Brought Back From The Dead

At 4:20 p.m. on Thursday I was writing this.

Nail Down the Coffin, Put a Fork in Them...

....The Red Sox 2008 season is all done.

It's 4:20 do you know where the trade for Manny Ramirez is? You don't know or can't find it, that's because it was never made. And that my friends (no deadline trade of Manny, or any moves for that matter) is the final nail in the Red Sox season as far as their postseason aspirations are concerned.

At 4:30 p.m. it looks like the text will be re-written to this.

...Brought Back From The Dead...

The Red Sox 2008 season might be headed back on track as the trade that everyone had been waiting all day for, Manny Ramirez to be anywhere but Boston has happened with The Red Sox getting Jason Bay, Ramirez going to the Dodgers and the Pirates getting 4 minor league prospects. If none of the minor leaguers are coming from the Red Sox, then this is a great trade for Boston (as it was the most that they were going to get for Ramirez).

UPDATE 4:50 p.m: Now that I know that two of the four prospects that Pittsburgh is getting is Brandon Moss and Craig Hansen, I don't like the trade. You've given up too much to get Jason Bay. You gave up a Hall-of-Fame outfielder, plus your best minor league OF prospect AND a reliever that throws in the mid 90's, for one player - that's way too much.

I understand the whole addition by subtraction argument, but you go from asking for two players in return for Ramirez to adding two players to the deal to get Ramirez out of here. The Red Sox front office buckled under the pressure of having to get Manny out of town and made a bad deal.

Shocking

I've read and seen some very shocking things on the Internet, which is no surprise because that's what the Internet's for.

And when I think I've watched or seen the most shocking thing out there, I find something to top it.

What I read today is now at the top of the shock list.

This story comes from a former writer who used to cover the New England Patriots for ProFootball talk.

"I heard from someone who is close to the case that there is a sex tape of Bill Belichick banging the married woman he had an affair with. I shit you not. The husband who is suing that woman for being unfaithful to him has a tape of his wife and Belichick screwing while the two of them were still married. Belichick is a very powerful man so I imagine he's doing everything in his power to squash this from getting out but it could only be a matter of time. A part of me doesn't want to see it but another part of me can't help but be intrigued."

A BILL BELICHICK SEX TAPE - Holy Shit.

As much as I would enjoy watching Belichick's cougar girlfriend, Sharon Shenocca, in action (she looks a lot like Shonda Schilling), I would pass on watching the tape because Belichick's in it. I can't imagine any scenario that would be worth watching Bill Belichick naked.

This would explain Belichick's fascination with videotaping the opposing signals from the other teams. I wonder if he broke down the film of him and his girlfriend the same way he broke down the film of opposing teams?

"Bill, how do you feel about this story about your sex life getting out into the media?"

"It is what it is."

"What have you learned by breaking down the film?"

"That our tight ends need to be in a better position and when we get into the red area we need to score. There are lots of areas we can improve upon."

The story also has many other tidbits regarding the Patriots players, such as Tedy Bruschi, Randy Moss, Corey Dillon, but obviously the Belichick thing is the one item that sticks out the most.

No Joy in Mudville

Normally I would save these kind of rants for the Boston Bruins (because the Bruins suck and they deserve to be blasted), but today the ire of the Chicks Dig McLovin blog is focused on a different Boston sports team.

The Boston Red Sox.

The Red Sox will not make the playoffs this year. Yes, I said that and I'll repeat it again.

The Boston Red Sox will not make the playoffs this year.

The Red Sox front office and ownership group should be bending over backwards and thanking Manny Ramirez for being a huge pain in the ass, because all of his distractions have kept the focus away from all of the shortcomings of this team (and there are many).

The lineup is too top heavy. There are 3 gimme outs everytime through the batting order, Catcher (Varitek-Cash), Center Field (Crisp-Ellsbury) and Shortstop (Lugo, Lowrie, Cora).

No depth in the starting rotation. Jon Lester has been 'THE MAN' for the Sox this year, and it's a good thing because Josh Beckett is not the same pitcher that we saw in 2007 and you're third-best starter, Dice-K pitches much better on the road than at Fenway (his ERA is 1.50 higher at Fenway than on the road) and averages only 5 innings a start. It's always an adventure when Tim Wakefield pitches and Clay Buchholz hasn't lived up to his potential.

Bullpen issues. There hasn't been a reliable bridge to Jonathan Papelbon all season. Craig Hansen, Manny Delcarmen, Javier Lopez, Hideki Okajima, Mike Timlin have all struggled.

All of those shortcomings lead to a 40-36 record against teams with winning records and a .500 record against teams in the AL East and West. They are 1-7 against the best team (right now) in baseball, the Angels. And the Angels just got a lot better with the addition of Mark Teixeira.

All the talk from the "so-called experts" on WEEI about them being the best team in the division and being a serious contender for another World Series title is laughable. Maybe trading Manny will give the Red Sox the kind of bump in performance that was gained in 2004 when Nomar Garciaparra was traded. This team needs something to serve as a wakeup call, a kick in the ass or however you want to put it.

Soccer Parents

In signing my son up for his first organized sport, soccer, I've become part of a loving, nuturing, caring community of adults called 'Sport Parents'. All that these parents are looking for is that their son or daughter do the best they can on the athletic field and get an opportunity to participate.

Yeah right.

Since I'm now part of this group, the theme for today's YouTube Tuesday is 'Quality Youth Sport Parents'. The two videos below show the proper way for a parent to act while at their child's athletic event.

First is a guy whose just trying to enjoy a snowcone at his son's Little League game, while trying to convey to his son the importance of staying close to the first base bag. In case the video is slow to load on this page, click here to see it.

Hmmm, I like Snowcones.

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

These opposing fans are having difference of opinion on which team is better. It's like being in the stands at a Red Sox-Yankees game.

Random Thoughts, Sights, Sounds - A Potpourri of Knowledge

Today's Randomness will start off with a question. I saw this picture on the web last night and wondered: "Who the Hell is this (and yes, she's someone very famous)?"

My skills of deduction must have drowned in all the rain we've had the last week because I had no idea who it was and still don't believe that the person above is the same person as below.

That's right, both pics are of Katie Holmes, which is impossible. There's no way pic #1 is the same person as pic #2. Tom Cruise's Scientology Aliens must have kidnapped the carefree, happy Katie and replaced her with the lifeless, unemotional robot in pic 1.

Hey look, Jim Rome is making a guest appearance on the Chicks Dig Blog, "What is going on with the lettuce on top of the Dawson Creek girls dome? Katie Holmes - stop using your Flowbee for that mop and get a real cut. What a Freak. The king of the Scientologists, mister couch jumper himself, Tom Cruise has brain washed and stolen our sweet little Katie and replaced her with someone from outerspace. Hey Maverick, get in your jet, do an inverted 180, fly into space and bring back the real Katie."

Thanks Jim.

Moving along, this story marks the end of civilization as we know it (at least for Men anyways). This is wrong on soooo many levels. A guy breaks off an engagement before he gets married and has to pay $150K in damages to his fiancee. WTF?? "He never intended to marry her" Really, then why the hell did he buy a ring?

So now, not only do men get screwed over in divorce (my dad, my brothers and I know all about that) they get screwed over before they get married. Why bother getting married/engaged at all. I tell my son this all the time, "Date a lot of women, not just one woman, but a lot of women". I think it's the most ridiculous thing in the world to have to pay someone not to be married to you. That's legal, but it's illegal to pay for sex. That makes a lot of sense.

This poor bastard has to be saying to himself, I paid $150K to be with that old bag. Yeah, that was worth it. Only former New York governor Elliot Spitzer could spend a $150K on women and think it's worth it.

Here's a tip for all the guys out there who want to screw over their women (let's take back control of relationships). When you're ready to break up with them, take them to the most expensive restaurant you know. Order the most expensive meals on the menu, order a couple of bottles of expensive wine - spare no expense. When you're about to get dessert, excuse yourself from the table, tell your lady friend you're going to the bathroom. Head straight for the exit and never look back. That will teach them to fuck with us.

And finally, football is back with the Patriots starting training camp. There's a lot of questions surrounding a team that won 18 straight games last year.

Is the offensive line really as bad as they showed in the Super Bowl?

Are the linebackers too old and is there enough depth there?

What's the status of the secondary with Asante Samuel in Philly?

Which Lawrence Maroney will show up for the season - the strong runner we saw over the final two months of last season, or the unproductive player that was in the backfield for most of the season?

How big of a factor will the loss of Donte Stallworth be (I think it will be bigger than people think)?

If it's nearly impossible for Tom Brady and Randy Moss to replicate the record-setting seasons they had last year, what will they put up for numbers this year.

Have a great weekend.

Odds and Ends

Is it to early to annoint Justin Masterson as the savior of the Red Sox bullpen and elixir for all bad things known as bullpen with his performance on Wednesday against Seattle? That was pretty impressive.

With the Red Sox and Yankees squaring off this weekend is it to early to wonder, 'Will the Red Sox drop another game on ESPN's Sunday night baseball against the Yankees'? I say the answer is yes. They are 1-3 this season on Sunday nights (1-1 against New York), losing the last three games.

Got Milk? How about got GILF? I always knew that drinking all that milk over the years would pay off and I only need to wait 31 more years to reap the benefits.



Did Jim Rome swallow a thesaurus consisting of current (and not so current) events?

Here's Rome talking in large descriptive phrases regarding Britney Shears, who went rollin Basic Instinct/Kojak style while getting painted and letting K-Dirt plant his demon seed - twice. I heard this clip on the radio a couple of weeks back and can't get it out of my head.

Regrow your drug-free lettuce. First tomatoes are contaminated and now Rome wants Britney to get some drug-free lettuce. How are you supposed to have a salad if the tomatoes and lettuce are contaminated?

I'd love to go into a meeting backed up by Rome's current event thesaurus.

We're here today to pontificate about the big 'R' little 'x' billboards that have surfaced on our part of Al Gore's Internet. We need to develop a plan to get more George Washington's from the Rx companies, and I don't mean the Nino Brown's and the Tony Montana's of the world either. I want some of the Ben Franklin's that the makers of the little blue pill get.

You can get liquids and pills for what ails ya at the A-POTH-E-CARY.

People would be going, "What the fuck is he talking about'. They would be confused not because of what I was saying but rather because the thing inside their domes wouldn't be able to grasp the letters and words I am orating.

A Birthday Today

Today's post will be short and to the point. Today's theme for "YouTube Tuesday" is the answer to 21+15. It's the 15th anniversary of my 21st birthday.

Since I might be the most famous person born on July 22, I leave you with only one video for today.

36 (the answer to my earlier question to those of you who are math challenged), by the Dave Matthews Band. Enjoy.

Random Thoughts, Sights and Sounds - A Potpourri of Knowledge

With Google's worldwide domination of all things Internet, it's very easy to have whatever piece of information that you are looking for at your fingertips in seconds.

I like Google because it drives people to this blog based on keywords that are entered. Of course you get a lot of traffic mentioning the Erin Andrews', Maria Stephanos', Heidi Watney's and Julie Donaldson's of the world. But sometimes in looking at the keywords people use to get to the "Chicks Dig" blog it leaves me shaking my head.

In today's Randomness we will analyze what some people in the land of the Internet are looking for (and trying to find on my blog) offer up some answers to their search terms.

Pregnant Newscasters of St. Louis 2008.

This one, though at the bottom of the list of search terms for my site, stood out like a sore thumb. Some fool out there is scouring the internet looking for pictures of pregnant St. Louis newscasters, but not ones from 2005 or 2006, they're no good, it's gotta specifically be 2008.

Youkilis ht wt.

Someone is looking for the height and weight of Boston Red Sox first baseman Kevin Youkilis. That information wasn't available on my website until now (though it's a pretty good guess that redsox.com would have had it). Kevin is a well put together, at 6'1', 220 pounds. He's a Pieces. His interests are long walks on the beach, evenings spent in front of a fire, a good book, a nice glass of wine, and companionship with that special someone.

Actually, Youkilis should spend each of his days praying to God, thanking him for his hottie fiancee Enza Sambataro. Ms. Sambataro once dated Ben Affleck. Youk is definitely playing above the rim (Way to go Youk). Any Google search for Youkilis should not happen until a Google search of 'Enza Sambataro pics' occurs first.

Ideas for Boring Nights.

Here's one. How about you pry your ass off of the chair in front of your computer and go out to talk to real live, actual people.

Cedric Maxwell.

And finally, for all of the multiple searches looking for audio of Cedric Maxwell's "I Got the Ball" call during Game 6 of the NBA Finals, I give you this (and a bunch of other classic Max calls). I love Max.

Caught in the Act

I'm taking my three-year-old son, Dylan, to his first Boston Red Sox game at the end of August and with NESN's propensity for crowd shots, I wouldn't be surprised if I get caught doing the same thing that the father in the video below was caught doing.



I'm sure the WGN producers were thinking, 'Let's show a nice father/son crowd shot between batters', and they caught a Dad giving a kid some of his beer. Everyone knows that the draft beers at ballparks are watered down. It's not even like drinking real beer.

In watching the video several times, I'm guessing that it wasn't this kid's first taste of beer. Watch how he throws the beer down, like a seasoned pro. At least this Dad only gave his kid a sip of his beer. Earlier this season, a Dad was arrested in Detroit when he mistakenly gave his 7-year-old son a full bottle of Mike's Hard Lemonade during a Tigers game, thinking it was just lemonade, not knowing it was alcohol.

Got MILF - Bon Jovi does

Today's 'McLovin Awkwardly Loves Chicks in the Morning' blog entry will be a microcosm of what you'll find on TV this evening as you're flipping through the channels - a whole bunch of nothin, as there's no sports on this evening.

Did You Know...

The world's largest rolling MILF convention - aka Bon Jovi's Lost Highway Tour - wrapped up on Tuesday evening in NYC where Jon Bon Jovi was heard to sing this new line in Wanted Dead or Alive.

"I've seen a million MILF's and I've f*cked them all"

I'm sure the ladies appreciated it. Again, I have the give the Bon Jovi guys credit for putting on a good show last week at the Garden. I admit that the show was a little better than I thought it was going to be and the majority of the MILF's in the audience were easy on the eyes.

Did You Know...

That even though Massachusetts (aka Titletown) is at the forefront of the sporting world they are backassward when it comes to one very important thing - drinking.

Yes, I found out this past Sunday that you cannot purchase liquor before noon. I was always under the impression that the whole, 'No Drinking before Noon' thing was urban legend, but our state legislature took it as fact and made it law when they (finally) allowed liquor stores to sell booze on Sunday. How stupid is it that you can't buy beer at 10:30 in the morning (when I wanted) but 90 minutes later it's okay - that's ridiculous.

One quick phone call to a grocery store just over the New Hampshire informed me that of course I could by beer everyone though it was before noon, and could have bought as early as 7 a.m. when they opened.

This would explain the mass exodus of people from Massachusetts to New Hampshire, not because of the cheaper real estate or the nicer towns (aside from the dump hole known as Nashua), but because you can get beer as early as 7 a.m.

One other thing about buying booze in Massachusetts, (which I experienced first-hand last Thanksgiving), you can't purchase alcohol on Thanksgiving. What!!! How else does the legislature expect us to be able to get through a holiday with the family without being able to run out for another case of beer or several bottles of wine?

Did You Know...

That Tom Brady's SuperBabe Giselle Bundchen is so hot that her ass burns holes in her pants. It's true. Speaking of Mr. Brady, the start of Patriots training camp is only 8 days away (July 24).

Did You Know...

That with NESN kicking Hazel Mae off the air (but possibly not out of town) my new favorite Boston Sports Anchor Babe to sit down and have a drink (or two or ten) with is Julie Donaldson. Julie would drink my ass under the table, and I would enjoy every minute of it. You gotta like a girl who after a day of heavy drinking invites "six women back to her place to keep the party going" and allegedly has a sex tape out there. Seriously though, it's too bad that her scumbag boyfriend beat her up several times.

Heidi Watney Drives the Women Crazy

With tonight the being the 79th Midsummer classic - Major League Baseball's All-Star Game - (This Time it Counts - And We Really Mean It), the theme is baseball for today's installment of "YouTube Tuesday."

With there being 9 million Red Sox players and coaches on the American League side, (which will give the Yankees fans plenty of opportunity to roundly boo players on the home team), here are a couple of Red Sox-themed videos.

Samuel Adams - love it. I friggin shower in that shit. Jim Koch needs to create a new marketing campaign around that single line.



Haven't the NESN executives learned by now - stop showing crowd shots. You had an old man caught on tape in Tampa giving Rays fans the finger. There was the Tampa woman pleasuring her man, caught by the NESN camers and now this - the sight of NESN's Heidi Watney drove two women in the crowd so crazy with desire they started making out behind Heidi during her live crowd shot.



You heard it here first - July 15, before the end of the season some guy is going to go up behind Heidi during one of her live crowd shots, drop his pants and moon the camera. It's going to happen. Either that or a woman will pull up her top and show her bare chest. Red Sox Nation is full of people who want to one-up the last crazy crowd stunt pulled.

And finally we have a video that will warm the hearts of Red Sox fans as Chase Utley tells the Yankees fans what they can do with themselves.

Random Thoughts, Sights, and Sounds - A Potpourri of Knowledge

Though technically we are still on vacation, we couldn't let a Friday pass without having a "Random Thoughts, Sights and Sounds" post.

Today's Randomness will focus on all of the things that we've learned on vacation (so far), and there has been a lot. So here's to dropping the knowledge.

Bon Jovi – The band of a middle-aged women generation.

It was good to see the middle aged ladies/wives/moms out in full force at the Bon Jovi concert in Boston on Thursday night. Their outfit of choice, tight blue jeans with even tighter black tops of varying cuts – t-shirts/halter tops/short shirts with a little middle showing. For them, it’s all good.

I also learned at Bon Jovi that those middle aged women (and men) can scream their heads off. It was one of the loudest shows (in terms of crowd noise) that I’ve ever been to. The loudest applause came during the song “I Love This Town” when they showed a montage of images of Boston Champions – the Patriots, Red Sox and Celtics.

To roundout the Bon Jovi knowledge that a look at Sports Illustrated's article regarding an examination of baseball’s first half through the songs of Bon Jovi.

I learned that the main objective for wives is to create work for their husbands. No explanation necessary for all the married men in the audience.

These next two items are more of a confirmation of something that I already thought to be true rather than something I learned:

Natalie Maines of the Dixie Chicks is hot. Here are reasons 1 and 2 why I think so from the Dixie Chicks performance on VH1 Storytellers .

Based on the facial expressions of Richie Sambora he always looks like he has to take a crap.

I learned that Motley Crue’s new song Saints of Los Angeles sounds like old Motley Crue, and that’s a good thing.

I learned that Nashua, New Hampshire is the white trash capital of the East Coast. I witnessed this first hand during the Nashua Fireworks display on July 3. If the Gloucester teenage pregnancy pact had happened in Nashua instead of Gloucester, I wouldn’t have been surprised in the least.

I learned that fat people, who supposedly are jolly, aren’t so jolly when it comes to screwing them out of their food. I saw a rather large woman complain that her rather large 8-year-old daughter didn’t get enough to eat for breakfast based on the portions of the children’s menu. The girl got 1 pancake, which doesn’t sound like a lot until you realize that it was the entire size of a large dinner plate and it wasn’t enough food for her obese daughter and that it wasn’t worth the money she paid ($1.65).

I learned that people are generally obnoxious and rude to wait staff at restaurants. These low-life scum feel empowered to belittle the wait staff because they feel, for once in their life, that they are better than someone else. So they continuously complain about not getting their drinks fast enough, or not having their order taken quickly enough, or that what they got wasn’t exactly what they ordered. You’re on vacation in a popular vacation area, where it’s going to be busy and things will take a little longer. CHILL THE FUCK OUT!!!.

I learned that if I worked as a member of the wait staff in one of these establishments I would kill all said customers above. At the very least, I would spit in their food or I could do this:

Indecent Hand Jesters

Since, I'll be on vacation all next week and probably won't be blogging, we'll have 'YouTube Tuesday' several days early.

The reason for this is a timely theme of Indecent Hand Jesters that the NESN cameras caught in games 2 and 3 of the Red Sox-Rays series this week.

After watching these two videos, it wouldn't be surprising if the NESN bigwigs instructed the cameramen to stop scanning the crowd for crowd shots.

The first video is from Game 2 of the series and shows the displeasure of a Red Sox fan watching the Sox go down in defeat. It's nothing anyone who's driven on a Massachusetts highway hasn't seen before.

(Okay, so the video is no longer available, so here's a photo of it).

Next is a video of a Tampa couple recreating the Dinner Scene with Jeremy and Gloria (action happening under the table) in Wedding Crashers. Can life get any better for this guy than to watch his home team get a victory (in person) while his wife/girlfriend takes care of business? If that's what it takes (seeing a Tampa win) for this guy to get excited, then he must have had one hell of a long drought before this season began.

Random Thoughts, Sights, and Sounds - A Potpourri of Knowledge

Today's Random Thoughts post will start by lamenting the recent turn of events for the Boston Red Sox.

The Red Sox, probably the most popular and most beloved of the pro teams in Boston, actually flew under the radar a little bit as the Boston Celtics made their playoff towards their 17th NBA title. But now that they have the sports spotlight all to themselves (at least for a couple of more weeks until Patriots training camp starts) they are pulling an LA Lakers- Thanks Kobe -and are, "Wetting the bed. A Nice Big One Too. One of the ones that you can't put a towel over."

Something that has been a minor concern all season and turned into a major concern over the past few games is the issues with the bullpen. Mike Timlin, Julian Tavarez, Manny Delcarmen, Okie, Craig Hansen, Javier Lopez have all sucked at various times this year. Even Jonathan Papelbon has four blown saves so far this year.

The failures of the bullpen will keep the Sox from having any postseason (if they get there) success.

Wednesday night's game was a perfect look at how the reversal of fortune has happened with the Rays and Red Sox this season.

Last year, it would have been the Red Sox scoring 6 runs in the 7th inning against a porous Tampa bullpen to overcome a 4-1 deficit and get the win. This year, it's Tampa bullpen (which was as horrible last year and the Red Sox pen is this year), holding the Red Sox scoreless for a couple of innings until their offense could rally and take the lead.

I've heard many so called "baseball experts" think the Red Sox first priority should be to go after C.C. Sabathia at the trading deadline. I'd like to see them shore up their bullpen first.

Quick Hitters:

• Did anyone catch what song plays at the end of Tampa games when the Rays win - Sweet Caroline. Are you kidding me, could they be anymore unoriginal? I wonder if they change it up and play "New York, New York" when Tampa beats the Yankees at home. Pretty soon they'll be playing "Shipping Up to Boston" and "Enter Sandman" when their closer (Percival, Wheeler) enters the game.
• This could not have happened to a nicer guy. So who gets the better of the trade: A-Rod moving onto Madonna or Cynthia Rodriguez hooking up with Lenny Kravitz (if the rumors are true)? In a weird twist of fate, didn't Madonna and Lenny Kravitz hook up? I say A-Rod (as usual) is the big loser in this trade. C-Rod is definitely more attractive than Madonna, but it's like I always say, "Show me a good looking woman and I'll show you a guy who's tired of f*cking her". No matter how hot his woman his, any guy will always want to get with someone else.
• One of the funniest scenes in The 40-Year-Old Virgin is when Seth Rogan and Paul Rudd spend several minutes going back and forth with "Want to Know How I know You're Gay?" statements. In reading this article in the Boston Herald (as always delivering the hard-edged news that their readers have come to expect. I'm surprised Tomase didn't write this article) about "Man Showers", I thought this would be perfect for their discussion.

"Want to Know How I Know You're Gay?"

"How?"

"When you got married, you had a man shower. That just oozes gayness."

And with that, I leave you for a long vacation. I hope everyone has a safe and enjoyable 4th of July holiday and a great week next week.

Today's Canada Day, eh

With a tip of the cap to our neighbors to the north ,we'll celebrate Canada Day (Canada's version of our Independence Day) by making Canada the theme of today's YouTube Tuesday.

Feel free to crack open a Molson Ice in celebration of the three things we like most about the Great White North.

First, a video from my favorite Canadian band, and no it's not Brian Adams or Loverboy, it's Rush.



Before Wayne and Garth and Wayne's World, there was Bob and Doug McKenzie, telling everyone that they were 'hosers' and to 'take off'.



And by posting videos of some ugly, ordinary looking dudes (yes, I'm talking about you Geddy Lee and Rick Moranis), I feel obligated to end today's tribute to Canada with a little eye candy. To accomplish this, here's a video of my favorite Canadian actress, Rachel McAdams, who was in one of my all-time favorite movies - The Notebook (no just kidding), Wedding Crashers.