Things I've learned

Even at the ripe old age that I've reached I'm still learning every day and here's a few things that I've learned recently.

• New England Patriots fans were all suckers for thinking that Brett Favre could lead the New York Jets to victory over Miami on Sunday to get the Patriots into the playoffs. Favre can never be trusted to play well in a big game. He's more likely to have a three-interception game (like he did yesterday) than play well.
• Brett Favre is the most overrated player in the NFL, see the fact that he was voted to the Pro Bowl this year and Matt Cassel was not.
• One thing for Patriots fans to remember this morning as they cry over the fact that an 11-win team didn't make the playoffs. The Patriots went 1-4 against teams who reached the playoffs in the AFC, and got blown out in three of the losses. That doesn't bode well for your argument.
• The Patriots now hold the distinction of being the best team to lose the Super Bowl one season and not make the playoffs the following season all within the same calendar year.
• The was no chance in hell that Mark Teixeira was going to sign with Boston, even if the Red Sox had offered him $180 million as the New York Yankees did. If Boston matched New York's offer, they would have just offered more and Teixeira would have taken it.
• All the callers who have dialed up WEEI since Teixeira signed with New York and have taken the stance that Teixeira wouldn't have made the Red Sox better because they still have Mike Lowell, David Ortiz, Kevin Youkilis and Jason Bay in the middle of the lineup are idiots. Teixeira WOULD have made the Red Sox a much better team in 2009 and beyond and if you think otherwise, take off the Red Sox-colored glasses because you're stupid.
• After experiencing another fun-filled, festive Christmas, I have to agree with Michael Felger, who on Wednesday of last week was advocating for Christmas being every two years. I just want to say, 'Christmas every two years - sign me up'. There's no need for it to be every year. It's supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year, and many people are going around miserable because 'there's so much to do'. Well, if it doesn't all get done, who cares.

Great Last Minute Gift Ideas

With Christmas Day rapidly approaching I know that there are many of you out there still scouring the stores, looking for that perfect gift for that special someone.

I too have been in that situation, up against that 6 p.m. Christmas Eve deadline when all the stores at the Mall are closing, leaving you no choice but to head down to the local convenient store to buy a bunch of scratch tickets and cheap wine to give out as gifts.

So I'm here to help. Guys, here's the best gift you can give to the little lady in your life. All it takes is some imagination, a box, some wrapping paper and a bow.



Not to forget the ladies out there, here's something to get the man in your life, is something that is right up your alley, and fun for the whole family - the Ball Buster.

Thought to be around since the dawn of time (or at least the days of Adam and Eve), the Ball Buster game made it's debut in 1975. Before the days of cable TV, the internet, cellular phones, and personal computers this is how women spent their free time with their husbands - busting their balls. So if there's a special set of balls out there that you want to bust, pick up the Ball Buster game.

There's even a young girl shown busting some pre-teen kid's balls - get used to it son, it only gets worse as you get older.



And finally with the last minute Christmas gifts out of the way, Happy Festivus everyone. I hope all of you have plenty of grievances to get off of your chest.

Inspiration

Okay, I know, the blog posts have been coming in dribs and drabs the past few weeks, and you're saying to yourself 'What the hell is up with that'?

I admit, I've been lacking the inspiration to write on a consistent basis over that time, but on this dark, dreary, cold pre-winter day, I've found that inspiration.

With Brad Pitt as a Menacing Lion and Mikey from Swingers as a Big Bear leading the charge, pleading to me to dash off to my keyboard and polish off another blog post, I am so inspired and ready to accept their challenge.

So I offer up to you this bit of inspiration, 40 times over, to move you to do whatever you need to do to get through your day.

Celebration

I'm a long time follower of sports and have seen my fair share of strange sporting event celebrations in my day, from Joe Horn placing a cellphone in an endzone and pulling it out after he scored, to Terrell Owens signing a football and giving it to his agent after scoring and even Chad Johnson's gotten in the mix by diapering the football like a baby after reaching the endzone.

Those crazy European soccer players have made the act of celebrating an art form. They make professional football players look like the junior varsity while they are the varsity.

I admit I played soccer growing up and I liked the sport. I have a good understanding of the game. What I don't understand is why Cristiano Luceralli is performing the Missionary position on his jersey after scoring a goal? And why are his teammates running up to hug a topless player who is in the middle of performing a sexual act on his clothing? Wouldn't seeing that cause you to stop and make you re-think any thoughts you may have of joining his pigpile?

And what does Luceralli break out the next time he scores a goal? How do you top the tried and true Missionary? Do you try a different position - the doggie style, perhaps, maybe a little '69? Does he get a teammate to join in for a threesome? The possibilites are endless but is the imagination and creativity there for Luceralli?



What is wrong with the Europeans? Can you imagine what NHL commissioner Gary Bettman's reaction would be if a hockey player did this? His head would explode. If Bettman's going to suspend Sean Avery six games for saying "Sloppy Seconds" then how quickly do you think Bettman would impose a lifetime ban if someone pulled this while on the ice?

After watching that video it makes SNL's Andy Samberg want to Jizz in his Pants.

Sloppy Seconds

Far be it for me to point out that we live in a crazy world with all that's happening with our economy and the situation in India, but when athletes start getting suspended for what they say on TV and to the media, the world has become all askew.

Athletes are chastized all the time for being boring, robotic and standard-quote machines, so when an athlete such as Dallas Stars' forward Sean Avery comes along it's pretty refreshing.

Avery had this to say to a full contingent of media on Tuesday before Dallas game against Calgary, "I am really happy to be back in Calgary, I love Canada. I just want to comment on how it's become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don't know what that's about. Enjoy the game tonight."

Avery's mentioning of 'sloppy seconds' is intended towards Calgary's Dion Phaneuf, who is dating ex-Avery love interest, Elisha Cuthbert and LA's Jarret Stoll, who is dating another ex-Avery love interest, Rachel Hunter, Avery has now been suspended barring a hearing with NHL commissioner Gary Bettman. For what you ask, it's not like Avery pulled Sloppy Seconds on Bettman's wife or anything.

There's many different ways that Sloppy Seconds can get you in trouble, but seriously, is mentioning 'sloppy seconds' to the media enough to get you suspended from your job? This is so wrong. Avery never mentioned anyone specifically by name or attacked anyone's character, yet he's suspended. If talking about Sloppy Seconds gets you banished from the workplace then half of the college population wouldn't have anywhere to go after graduation (besides grad school).

Oh well, I'm all about ending things on a good note, so in more uplifting news, here's something that's right in the world, Tina Fey. Ms. Tina was profiled in this month's Vanity Fair - Yummy!!! (photo from this month's Vanity Fair)

Happy Hump Day everyone.

That's Gonna Leave a Mark

It's Super-Atomic Wedgie Time, the likes of which haven't been seen since Middle School.

I didn't know that the NFL went from tackle football to Flag Football.

What are the chances that Brian Westbrook broke out of Althea Barnes tackle? And with a name like Althea you know that he's going to grab you by your jock and bring you down.

So did Westbrook's jock snap back and hit him in his back like an elastic (for a double ouchie) or did it fall down limp around his legs?

Did Barnes finish the job and rip the entire jock out of Westbrook's pants and take it home as a memento/souvenir/trophy? If so, did Barnes have the stones (I'd say balls but that's too obvious of a remark here) to ask Westbrook sign it?

Surprise, Surprise

"Walked out this morning, don't believe what I saw..." Message in a Bottle, The Police.

Looking at the NHL Standings this morning was as surprising as if I walked out and saw 'A Hundred Billion Bottles Washed Up on the Shore'.

The Boston Bruins are in first place in the Northeast Division and have the second highest amount of points in the Eastern Conference. When did this happen?

Did Cam Neely, Adam Oates and Ray Bourque suddenly walk through that door while we've been beoaming the injury losses of Tom Brady, Rodney Harrison, Lawrence Maroney and half of the New England Patriots team?

Is this the year that the Boston Bruins are for real and make a strong playoff run in the Eastern Conference? That's still TBD, but for at least the first 19 games the Bruins have gotten off to a strong start.

Land of Confusion

Today we return with our latest installment of 'YouTube Tuesday'. For this first video, you'll need to watch it multiple times to try and understand what this person (who is speaking in English) is saying.

This is how I talk after 12 beers. Halfway though he breaks out his best Lightning McQueen imitation. Also did he say "Oh, Broad" at the beginning in talking to Jillian Barbie?



If that didn't leave your head spinning, this will. And why is this guy wearing his wife's Packers shirt? Because there's no way that's his shirt.

Patriots Overlooked Again - What's New

Here's the Enemy (overhyped as usual by the TV Networks and the NFL):



And here's what the enemy has to say about tonight's Patriots-Jets matchup in a battle for first place, from the New York Post (and something to keep in mind while watching tonight):

"Deep down in their souls, the Jets believe they're a better team now than the Patriots. Deep down, they know they're better.

One Jets offensive player, who spoke under the condition of anonymity because he didn't want to provide bulletin board fodder for the Patriots, talked about being "sick to our stomachs" about the Jets' 19-10 loss in Week 2 at the Meadowlands. He felt the Patriots were vulnerable - particularly on defense. Not to mention it was the first game with Matt Cassel at quarterback, after Tom Brady was injured in Week 1 vs. the Chiefs.

The player spoke matter-of-factly about how "slow" and "old" a number of the New England defenders are and how he believes the Jets should be able to put up "a lot of points" on them tonight."

The only things sadder than the NFL hitching their promos for tonight's game on Brett Favre is the Boston Bruins. Even when the Bruins are playing well (winners of seven of their last eight games and second in the Eastern Conference in points), I can find something to blast them about.

In typical Bruins fashion they are playing their biggest game of the season so far (against Montreal) on a night when all the sports fans in New England will be changing channels at 8:15 to watch Pats-Jets. Any chance the Bruins could play an entire hockey game in 70 minutes? Probably not.

Computer Virus - no big deal?

Now that I have my virus-infested computer back, (it's okay though because my IT department assures me I can use my computer without doing anymore damage - which makes a lot of sense) let's commence with the Blogging.

BTW, my computer virus program deleted 19 viruses between 11:30 a.m. and 2 p.m. today. And my IT department knows what they're doing - OKAY.

After having all that time off, I figured I'd ease back into the saddle by re-introducing an old friend.

The one and only McLovin is back and starring as Augie Farks in Role Models which opened over last weekend. And no, Chicks Definetly Won't be Loving Augie Farks.

Scott Boras Makes Me Laugh

If Announcer-Extraordinaire Brent Musberger were here he'd say:

"You are looking live at the campus of Northeastern University, where today's blog post matchup of Jason Varitek/Scott Boras vs. the Boston Red Sox is taking place."

My laptop is in the sick ward for the second time in two days, infected with some Spyware virus, which hasn't made for good blogging this week, or for completing Grad School homework. I actually had to write out by hand this weeks' homework assignment - talk about old school.

But getting to school a little early this evening allows me to write about one of the most ridiculous things I've read today (and shockingly it's not about Barack Obama).

From today's Boston Globe:

"(Scott) Boras is eyeing Yankee catcher Jorge Posada's four-year, $52.4 million deal as a benchmark for (Jason) Varitek."

I'm guessing that Boras didn't watch many Red Sox games this season, or he would have seen what all of Red Sox nation saw, an automatic out at the plate (let's preface that statement with the standard 'he was good with the pitching staff and good in the clubhouse' statement).

Let's see, in a season where Varitek's biggest accomplishment was tagging NESN's Heidi Watney, Tek batted .220 with 13 HR and 43 RBI. But give Tek credit for getting his numbers to change in the postseason. He batted .118 in the playoffs (4 hits in 34 at-bats). Tek wishes he could have batted .118 in the ALCS where he had 1 hit in 20 at-bats.

With a performance as significant such as this no wonder why Boras is looking for (key word here) No Less than a $3.1 million raise for next season. Who says America is in a recession when you have the balls to ask for a $3 million raise with such decreased performance.

As a point of reference, Posada got his four-year, $52.4 million deal after a season in which he hit .338 (highest average of his career by.57 points) with 20HR and 90RBI.

If I was Theo Epstein and Boras was sitting across from me and told me the negotiations for Tek start at 4 years-$52.4 million, the first thing I would do would be to uncontrollably laugh out loud for 5 minutes. After gathering myself, my response would be, "Are you f*cking serious?"
Then I would offer two years between $20-$25 million with Boras then proceeding to laugh at my offer.

I would then get up from the table and say, "Thanks for the memories Tek, good luck with your new team next year and good luck trying to find some sucker to give you a 4-year, $52.4 million deal".

This should be an interesting negotiation. My guess is Tek walks and the Red Sox trade a young pitcher (Clay Buchholz) for a catcher.

Random Thoughts, Sights, Sounds - A Potpourri of Knowledge

With today being Halloween, I figured we would have a "What's scary" version of this week's Ramblings of Knowledge.

This week's scariness started off with NESN announcing that "The Head" will be replacing Hazel Mae on NESN's SportsDesk. While that was frighteningly scary, here are some other things that are just as scary.


The above photo is scary, nasty, disgusting, sickening, disturbing, and just downright wrong in every way possible.

Why would you? What the F*ck? How big of a bet did this guy lose? It's so disturbing I can't put a rationale thought together. Why not go the whole way and have the number '20' on her jersey and '08' on his.

Other possible phrases the lovely couple could have gone with (as always, ladies first).

"Pussy" "Boy"

"Pussy" "Whipped"

"House" "Bitch"

"Dumb" "Dumber"

"Getting" "Nauseous"

And in five years, the shirts can read:

"Just" "Divorced"

"Bitch" "Bastard"

"Stupid" "Bitch"

"Kill" "Me"

In other scary news: Turtle hooking up with Jamie-Lynn Sigler (aka Meadow Soprano) on a plane during last Sunday's episode of Entourage was pretty disturbing.

But Tony, you say that was only a TV show, that's not real. I'll respond by saying that sometimes fiction sometimes imitates reality.

This from the NY Post:

Elsewhere at the Santa Anita track, Jamie-Lynn Sigler was gushing to girlfriends in a bathroom about her new love interest, Jerry Ferrara, who plays Turtle on HBO's "Entourage." The two met when Sigler played herself on last Sunday's episode, where she lambasted Turtle for telling his friends how he'd "scored Meadow Soprano" on an airplane. In real life, it's definitely more than a one-flight stand.

Happy Halloween everyone, and no, Jamie-Lynn Sigler is not scary.

Too Bad, So Sad

Hey Tampa Bay - HA, HA!!!. How does it feel to be on the losing end of one of the least-watched, least-interesting, least-memorable, least-riveting, no-one-gave-a-shit World Series of all time?

Your organization completes one of the most remarkable regular seasons in baseball history and your appearance in the World Series was so bad the thing that will be remembered most about this Series is the two-day rain delay.

Better yet, not only will your postseason performance be overshadowed by the rain delay, but the 1A thing that will be remembered most by baseball fans is the fact that your team blew a seven-run lead with seven outs left in Game 5 of the ALCS. Then you needed to go to a Game 7 against Boston after racing out to a 3-1 series lead.

Nice job Rays. The Red Sox would have put up a better fight against Philadelphia.

'The Head' is Coming to a TV Screen Near You

Unfortunately New England Sports fans will have to get used to this face and huge cranium, which is so big (and wear the aliens are embedded) that the word 'cranium' isn't large enough to describe it.

This is Cole (don't call me Trickle) Wright and he, along with that fake-looking thing sitting above his eyebrows will be the new (scary) face of NESN's Sports Desk, as Wright has been hired to replace the lovely and talented Hazel Mae.

Let's see, who would I rather see more of Cole Wright or Hazel Mae? That sound you hear is NESN viewers either switching the channel, turning off their TV's or yelling, "NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" in disgust.

If Michael Felger can refer to his wife Sara Underwood as simply, "The Wood", then I'm referring to Cole Wright simply as "The Head".

NESN's hiring of "The Head" might be a result of NESN Execs tiring of the onscreen talent sleeping with Red Sox players (which confirms the widespread rumors of Hazel and Heidi Watney). Otherwise, why wouldn't they hire an similarly attractive woman to replace Hazel?

Here's to hoping that "The Head's" stay in Boston is a short one.

Random Thoughts, Sights, Sounds - A Potpourri of Knowledge

Hell has frozen over (and I'm not talking about those idiots from the Eagles either) with the release of this to radio this week.



Let's see, there's a report that the doctor that liked to pretend he was a surgeon and play Operation with Tom Brady's knee called the foremost orthopedic specialist Dr. James Andrews to discuss Brady's situation. Maybe that call should have been placed a couple of weeks ago before Brady had his surgery. Or even better, maybe Brady should have had Andrews perform the surgery himself.

Maybe Andrews could have held a Webinar to show Dr. Neal ElAttrache how to properly perform the surgery without complication.

I feel so much better now knowing that ElAttrache put a call into Andrews. We're that much closer to hearing that the infection will cause Brady's leg to be amputated above the knee.

And finally with the Presidential education day quickly approaching, I realized something today. I'm going to miss Tina Fay as Sarah Palin (two people that I am completely and totally head over heels for).

Here's Fay's appearance as Palin from last night's SNL episode. Check out the wheels on Fey at the 0:24 second remaining mark.

Have a great weekend everyone - enjoy.

Cluttered Mind

I'm sitting here trying to unscramble the mess inside my mind, while awaiting the news announcement that Tom Brady's leg will need to be amputated above the knee as a result of ACL/MCL surgery.

Before the mess is unscrambled, let's talk about Brady's knee for a second. Doesn't it seem like everyday a new story comes out saying that, 'Brady had another procedure done to resolve the infection in his surgically-repaired knee'?

Last week the announcement was made that Brady had one procedure to clear up the infection in the knee. Today, it's being reported that has had two more procedures to clear up the infection in the knee.

I didn't know they are allowing first-year orthopedic surgeons operate on the NFL League MVP. Someone should tell them that this isn't the game of Operation and that they are performing surgery on a real person. It seems like they think they're still working on Cadavers.

The scariest part of it is that the surgeons-in-training might get another shot at opening up Brady's knee as the story in Thursday's Boston Herald says,

"the fear is the patellar tendon graft used to replace Brady’s anterior cruciate ligament is in danger of becoming compromised. Should that occur, the entire ACL reconstruction would have to be removed and redone from scratch. That would push back his rehab and recovery period, which in turn, could delay his return to the field."

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. They should be pretty familiar with the in's and out's of Brady's knee, considering they've been in there three times already.

From the publishers that give us the big blowhard, Dan Shaughnessy, the big story for the Boston Globe in today's online editions is local lawyers appearing in a calendar for charity (the editors of the Boston Herald are killing themselves for not having this first as this kind of crap is right up their alley).

They killed trees to produce this piece of shit calendar? There's only one month worth pointing out (Wendy Savage-Ms. March). The lawyers have nailed down exactly what I'm looking for in a pin-up calendar - a picture of a Mom and her two small daughters. Number of purchases of this calendar 12 (one for each of the people who appeared). I hope the Greater Boston Legal Services charity that is benefitting from the proceedes of the sale of this calendar isn't expecting a huge windfall from it.

If a group or an organization is going to put out a calendar why can't it be the Women of the Boston Media? How many calendars would be sold if the model lineup consisted of Maria Stephanos, Kim Carrigan, Sara Underwood (whom husband Michael Felger simply refers to as 'The Wood'), Heidi Watney, Kathryn Tappen, Bianca De La Garza, Heather Unruh, Anne Allred, Sorboni Bannerjee, Julie Donaldson, Mish Michaels and Dylan Dreyer.

A calendar with that lineup would sell hundreds of thousands of copies and raise a ton of cash for any charity. This needs to happen and would be worthy of a prominent story on Boston.com.

Finally, if the Boston Red Sox are interested in signing Mark Texeira, here's one way it could happen - move Kevin Youkilis to Leftfield, keep Mike Lowell at third base with Texeira playing first. You'd have to reorganize the outfield a little - Youk in left, J.D. Drew in center and Jason Bay in right and Jacoby Ellsbury serving as your 4th outfielder.

The lineup would be a killer. Drew, Pedoria, Oritz, Texeira, Youkilis, Bay, Lowell, Lowrie, Varitek.

The World Series Who Cares Edition

Along with having to see Dick Vitale thrash around for four more games, hearing more stories of retired ladies in the Tampa area getting Mohawks and the potential of Johnny Gomes drinking more beer out of his jock, here's reason number 1,547 as to why Tampa Bay should not be in the World Series (which will the lowest-rated and least cared about World Series in a long time).

Singing the National Anthem for Game 1 in Tampa, I present to you the BackDoor Boys.

Does that mean N'Suck will sing the anthem before Game 2?

Will Philly follow Tampa's example and go with Boyz to Men in Game 3 and DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince for Game 4?

If Boston had won the AL Pennant, they could have broke out the Bobby Brown-led version of New Edition and had NKOTB rock out for Game 2.

In reflecting back as to why Boston couldn't have pulled off another miracle series comeback against Tampa Bay, it wasn't because Tampa was the younger, healthier, more athletic team.

The real reason that Boston lost - there wasn't a signature Dropkick Murphy's song to go along with this season. Think about it, in 2004 there was 'Tessie' and in 2007 there was 'Shipping up to Boston'. What do you instantly thinking of when you hear Tessie - the 2004 Red Sox. The same goes with Shipping up to Boston and the 2007 Red Sox.

The Dropkick Murphy (as Mayor Menino likes to refer to them) need to get on this for the 2009 season.

Random Thoughts, Sights and Sounds - A Potpourri of Knowledge

"I don't believe what I just saw."

That was Jack Buck's famous call in Game 1 of the 1988 World Series as Kurt Gibson was rounding the bases after hitting the game-winning home run off Dennis Eckersley.

That was what I was thinking at 12:20 a.m. Friday morning walking out of Fenway Park and what I am still thinking many hours later after the Boston Red Sox completed the second-greatest one-game comeback in playoff history to get an 8-7 win over Tampa and extended the ALCS to Game 6.

Okay, so I was wrong about saying that Tampa was going to win the series in five games and would win Game 5, 5-2. I admit the error of my ways.

It was good to see the defending champion Red Sox come to life and fight back against a Tampa team that had pounded them at Fenway for 2-plus games.

In addition to leaving the park in disbelief, I left with a few questions rattling around in my head.

Did Steven King finish reading, "When Will There be Good News" during Game 5 or did he start reading a new book last night?

Was last night's win the boost that Boston needs to win the series and stage another dramatic comeback, or will it be all for not by getting blown out in Game 6?

Should Josh Beckett start Game 6 or should it be Jon Lester (on normal rest)?

That's the abbreviated randomness for the week (turns out it wasn't that random). Enjoy the game Saturday, which could be the start of a nice three-day Boston sports Trifecta - Sox-Rays Saturday night, Sox-Rays Sunday night, then Pats-Broncos on Monday Night football.

Have a great weekend.

When Will There Be Good News for Red Sox Nation?

Will it come this evening in the form of a series-extending win for Boston against Tampa Bay? Steven King hopes so. He has a special book selected to read during each of the four Red Sox home World Series games. You don't want to mess with the man's schedule.

I wonder what King has on tap to read during tonight's crucial Game 5 (or does he plan on finishing Kate Atkinson's book)?

No wonder why the Fenway faithful haven't been as boisterous during Games 3 and 4 of the ALCS. It's not because Boston has lost both games by a combined score of 22-5, it's because King has turned Fenway Park into his own personal Reading Room.

"Can you shut the fuck up, man trying to read here"

I'll be attending this evening's game and to make sure I fit in with the new, upscale Fenway crowd, I'll be bringing a book along to read as well. I plan on bringing "Choosing Civility - The Twenty-Five Rules of Considerate Conduct".

While watching the game I will try and educate the fans around me as to appropriate fan behavior based on some of the Rules of Considerate Conduct the book tries to promote.

* Think Twice Before Asking Favors - Never ask the person next to you to hold your beer, you won 't get it back.

* Give Constructive Criticism - It's okay Papi if you're 0-fer the ALCS, keep your hands back. You'll get them next time.

* Refrain from Idle Complaints - Especially when you're sitting in an obstructed view seat behind a big support beam. Be grateful that you were able to get a ticket.

* Respect Others' Opinions - Especially those opinions of Yankees fans.

* Don't Shift Responsibility and Blame - Leave Terry Francona alone, it's not his fault he's been outmanaged in this series. He's trying his best. Blame the players.

* Care for Your Guests - Ms. would you like for me to hold your hair back as you vomit all over my shoes?

* Accept and Give Praise - Wow, there wasn't that much vomit at all. Thanks for not getting it all over my pants.

Rule #8: You don't bring a book to a Baseball game. What the Hell is the Matter With You?

That's what I'm going with unless anyone else out there has a better suggestion.

Finally, prediction for tonight's game. Typical Dice-K performance, 5 IP, 4 hits, 5 walks, 3 runs and keeps them in the game. Bullpen gives up 2 runs late and the Sox season ends with a 5-2 loss.

A Tampa-Philly World Series. Ugh!!! Baseball season is over. See you in April, as Tampa tries for a repeat.

Public Enemy No. 1 of Red Sox Nation

With the Red Sox season one game away from it's conclusion, I decided to take a different approach at looking at what has gone wrong for Boston during their ALCS matchup with Tampa Bay and who's to blame.

While others are laying blame on the moves (or lack their of) by Terry Francona, the lack of health on the team, the struggles of Big Papi and Jacoby Ellsbury, or the struggles of the pitching staff, I have come up with another reason why the Sox have struggled.

I blame it all on the Curly-Headed Boyfriend from the Boston Globe, Dan 'Shank' Shaughnessy. I blame everything on Shaughnessy (because he's a hack) so this is nothing new.

After Dice-K's masterpiece in Game 1 (which feels like years ago), Shaughnessy wrote in Saturday's Boston Globe.

"It's only one game. So how come it already feels like the Red Sox are going to the World Series?"

That was the lead of his story, and it only gets better. A couple of paragraphs later, Shaughnessy drops this bit of knowledge on all of us.

"So how come it already feels like the Red Sox are going to the World Series?
It just does. There's a swagger and confidence about this bunch. They do the right thing. They let the other guys make the mistakes."

Anyone feel that way after Games 2-4? Tampa's a very good team. Did anyone else besides 'Shank' feel that the series was over after Game 1? Shank did.

"Somebody's got to stand up to the Red Sox and right now it doesn't feel like the Rays can do it. They had everything going for them last night and they came up short time and again. The Red Sox are 4-1 in this postseason and it feels just the way it felt when they went on unstoppable runs in October of '04 and again last year."

Unstoppable runs of 04 and last year, did Dan forget that in those postseasons, the Red Sox had deficits of 3-0 and 3-1 in the ALCS (to New York and Cleveland)? I'm sure after watching New York beat Boston 19-8 in Game 3 of the ALCS, Boston fans thought that the Red Sox were on an unstoppable run. Shaughnessy's first rule of thumb when writing - Never let the truth get in the way of a good line in a story.

By the way, Shaughnessy ends his column this way, in case you were wondering what the point of his column was.

"It's only one game and already it feels like the Red Sox are going back to the World Series."

We get it, you only mentioned it like five times in the course of the dribble that you tried to pass off as a column. Go back home and write some more about how you turned the fence in your backyard into a replica of the Green Monster.

What a tool.

Don't Tase Me, Bro!

What is it with Boston Red Sox fans getting tasered by security at Tampa Bay Rays games? Has the feud between the two teams gotten so bad that Tampa security has taken it upon themselves to take out the Boston fans?

Are they so pissed off at the fact that the crowds for Boston-Tampa games have been mostly Boston fans, so they're sending a message out to the Boston fans not to come to the games in their park anymore? Does Tampa security treat fans of other teams this way?

First, this fan back in September got the taser and during this past weekend's playoff games this Boston fan felt the wrath (and taser) of Tampa security.

But first, what is the deal with the guy (at the 2:25 mark) that's wearing the "You Bet Your Sweet Ass I Hate the Red Sox!" shirt? What kind of shirt is that? There is no way that Boston fans are intimidated by that. What self-respecting guy describes another man's ass as 'Sweet' (I'm guessing he means the creamy, milky kind of sweet)?

That guy has probably been a Tampa fan for about 20 minutes? Up until six weeks ago, he probably didn't even know where the park was or that Tampa even had a team. Fucking Tampa fans, they're a bunch of front runners.

BTW, nice job appaulding by the Tampa Fan camera man as he is filming the Boston fan getting thrown out. You are videotaping a guy getting tossed out, so you decide to applaude (and shake the camera all around) while your taping.

Another typical Tampa fan - a Big Ass. "Good Job". Watching those two idiots makes me even more pissed about the fact that Tampa is going to advance to the World Series and the Red Sox are not.

red sox fan tasered

Next Stop - The Golf Course for the Boston Red Sox

Godamn It!, Goddam It!, Goddam It! (as my three-year-old likes to say).

Boy, Game 3 of the ALCS (a 9-1 loss to Tampa Bay) was fun if you are a Boston Red Sox fan. Maybe someone should have told the players that the game was a 4:30 p.m. start, not a 8:30 p.m. start as they are accustomed to this postseason.

That's two stinkers in-a-row for Boston sports teams, with the Patriots mailing in a pitiful performance in a loss to San Diego on Sunday. But Monday's Red Sox blowout loss to Tampa Bay was much more surprising than the Patriots loss. Did anyone really think that San Diego was going to lose that game Sunday night? If you're not sure about how to respond, the answer is the same as to this question, "Did anyone think that the Boston-Tampa game was going to go beyond the 11th inning once Mike Timlin entered the game?"

The answer to both - a big NO!

The new ace of the Boston staff, Jon Lester, cruised through a four-pitch first inning, then proceeded to give up five runs in the next two innings - end of game, be careful going home, last one out of the park shut the lights. It's not like Lester got any help from the Boston offense, Dustin Pedroia doubles in the first with one out and is left at second and the Sox have runners on second and third in the second with one out and both are stranded.

As much as I applaud Jason Varitek for tagging Heidi Watney, he is really starting to bother me. Tek tells the Curly-Headed Boyfriend of the Boston Globe that he feels "betrayed" with Terry Francona pinch hitting for him in the postseason.

Really, Tek you feel betrayed, well if you got your head out from between Heidi's legs for a second you'd realize that YOU SUCK!!! You want Francona not to 'betray' you and not pinch hit for you late in ball games, then hit a ball to the gap in the second inning and drive in two runs to give Boston a 2-1 lead. Instead, you go and make the second out of the inning without driving in a run.

Know this Tek, you suck so bad that when you're a backup on another team next year, Heidi's going to trade you in for a younger, better player, with more upside - I'm thinking it will be Jed Lowrie.

With Tim Wakefield pitching on Tuesday, does anyone think the Red Sox will even the series, 2-2? Show of hands? Nope, didn't think so.

I'm revising my series pick (I can do that because it's my blog). Now, I'm going with Tampa in 5. No way the Rays lose another game in this series.

If I'm a Chicago Cubs fan and Tampa Bay makes it to the World Series, I'm ready to jump off the Sears Tower. Once Tampa beats Boston to make it to the Fall Classic, that would mean that the last four expansion teams in baseball (since 1993) will have made it to the World Series with two of them (Arizona and Florida, twice) winning titles.

In case you haven't heard, the Cubs haven't won a World Series in 60 years and haven't been to the World Series in 100 years.

Random Thoughts, Sights, Sounds - A Potpourri of Knowledge

Boston vs. Tampa Bay - ALCS - Let's get it on.

And yes, if my track record is any indication, I should pick against Boston (so, they'll win the series and make it to the World Series), but not this time. I'm picking Boston in seven games. I also think LA will win it's series (in 7 as well) against Philadelphia.

Baseball (and baseball fans) needs to have Manny Ramirez, Nomar Garciaparra, Derek Lowe return to Fenway to face the Red Sox. This needs to happen.

There is no way that Tampa Bay can make it to the World Series. The American public needs to be spared from hearing anymore stories about the fact that ladies of Tampa are showing support for their beloved Rays by getting Mohawks's (psst, they aren't getting the mohawks on their heads, but in the other area of their body where dense hair grows).

Also, the first lady they profile in the video, I don't need to know she's getting a Mohawk. I don't want to look at her and think that. She shouldn't be doing that to her body.

Do we really need to hear Joe Buck and Tim McCarver give the details of the ladies in the Tampa area getting a trim to please their boyfriends and husbands between pitches?

Joe: That last pitch from Kazmir was 96. There was really some hair on that fastball.

Tim: Speaking of hair Joe, you no where there is less hair, between the legs of the female fans of the Rays. It seems the latest craze is for the ladies to get Mohawks in their private areas to show their support for the Tampa Baseball team. It's a good thing it's warm in the winter in Florida, because you have a lot of bare women out there.

Joe (speechless): If you say so, Joe.

The Rays fans also like the Cowbell. Who doesn't want more Cowbell.



And finally, the sound of the week, has no sound at all, but I think you'll be able to get the gist of the message the ad is trying to portray while watching the video.

Have a great weekend everyone.

I need a drink (and so do these people)

Based on the financial events the past couple of weeks, we have some new sayings in my household.

"Community College" and "Retirement - Who's retiring?"

So today, I've decided to post some videos of people taking a physical beating as opposed to the financial beating many of us have been going through.

In the first video, the girl symbolizes my retirement fund and the ball is the economy.


Chick Gets Smoked At Dodge Ball - Watch more free videos

This is why it isn't such a great idea to get so drunk around your friends that you pass out.


Passed Out Guy Gets His Legs Burned - Watch more free videos

And finally, Chloe and Keith's marriage starts off a little on the wetside. Why isn't there video of her confronting the best man once she gets out of the pool. That's what we need to see.

Failed Predictions

See, I told you that I suck at making predictions (though, I did get the number of games that the playoff series between Boston and Anaheim would go - 4 - correct). If continuing to pick against the Red Sox and repeatedly doubt their ability as an organization to overcome serious injuries to succeed will get them to win another World Series, I'll do that.

Now that the Red Sox have advanced to the ALCS against Tampa Bay, let's go to a local dining establishment and celebrate with one of these.



Since that is a special sandwich, I think we need a special waiter to bring it out to us. I think this little guy will do.

Random Thoughts, Sights, Sounds - A Potpourri of Knowledge

Today's Randomness starts off compassionately, as we take a look at what our brothers in baseball fandom in Chicago are currently going through.

It's not a good day to be a baseball fan in Chicago right now. Wednesday morning the Windy city was an excited city that couldn't wait for the playoffs to start, but two days later playoff success doesn't look good for either the Cubs (who were booed out of their own stadium after two straight losses) and for the White Sox (who are up against a much better team - younger, more athletic).

If the Cubs lose in the first round (and fail to win a World Series for the 100th year), will they call it the curse of the watered down watering hole or will it be the curse of the preprinted World Series tickets (get a good look Chicago because this will be the closest you'll get to seeing World Series tickets this year).

Staying with baseball, I have to say this about Los Angeles Angels fans - what a bunch of front runners. Did anyone else notice how quickly Anaheim stadium cleared out in the 8th inning Wednesday night after Boston scored two runs and had a 4-1 lead? Is there any chance this would happen in Fenway (with the crowd heading out early)?

By the ninth inning, the crowd was masquerading as fans dressed up as seats (especially behind home plate). There were a ton of empty seats and then you heard the "Let's go Red Sox" chant. If they played a couple of more innings, it would have turned into the home game for Boston.

And finally, here's a side of Sarah Palin that we didn't see during last night's 90-minute VP debate. Enjoy.



Have a great weekend everyone.

Predictions that suck...

...because I suck at making predictions.

You can analyze and dissect Boston's playoff series with Los Angeles from any angle that you like but it all comes down to this - an injured Mike Lowell, J.D. Drew and Josh Beckett mean that the Red Sox are not at full capacity. Beating Los Angeles is a huge task and trying to do it while three of your best players are hurt isn't the way to beat the Angeles. Los Angeles wins in the series in 4 games.

I might suck at making predictions, but I'm pretty sure that Chicago Cubs fans are going to be extremely pissed about not being able to drink in bars around Wrigley in the Cubs are playing a series-deciding game at Wrigley.

This is typical for Cubs fans as this year Chicago has their best chance to win a World Series and the city of Chicago isn't going to let them celebrate by having an adult beverage (or two or twenty).

This poses a moral dilemma for Chicago Cubs fans. Would you want to experience the Cubs winning a World Series in Chicago and taking the game in at a local bar but not be able to drink to celebrate? Or would you rather see the team win the World Series on the road, so you can continue binge drinking until the final out?

hmmm....

This is Nasty

What is the expression that is used a lot in sports - Act like you've been there before.

I hope this is not the case for Tampa Bay's Jonny Gomes, as I hope he hasn't been there before and hasn't made drinking beer out of a jock strap a routine part of his celebration ritual.

Here's how Gomes celebrated Tampa's clinching of the AL East title.

Rumor has it that the cup that Gomes is using is to sip his beer out of is that of teammate Dioner Navarro. The other part of the rumor is that Navarro's cup is game used.

If true - that's just wrong.

Here's hoping that either Chicago or Minnesota defeat Tampa Bay in the first round of the playoffs.

Random Thoughts, Sights, Sounds - A Potpourri of Knowledge

Let's see... The Patriots are on a bye week this weekend and the Red Sox are playing three meaningless games (who would have thought that when the season started) against the New York Yankees the next couple of days.

As a result of this being a free weekend (free from sports anyways) this would be the perfect weekend to partake in the annual New England family fall ritual of apple picking. But add to that three days of rain (which will wash out any chance of watching those boring Red Sox-Yankees games) and that my friends makes for one pretty boring and uneventful upcoming weekend of no sports or apple picking.

The Red Sox still have a mathematical chance of winning the division, but the chances of that happening are on par with me dating my favorite Hollywood actress. Yes, it's mathematically possible but the chances are two-fold - slim and none.

Gratuitous Sarah Palin photo - had to be done to spice up this blog entry (which was getting as boring as our sporting options to watch this weekend).

In the words of that famous sportscaster Dick Enberg, "Oh My!!!"

The video below shows why the rest of the world doesn't have any respect for the United States. It's not because our President is an idiot, or because our economy is in the toilet, or the fact that we've been in Iraq way to long (which is perception not reality), it's because we have citizens like this who make us look bad.

Why would you think getting pepper sprayed in the face would be a good idea? How do you reach the point where having your buddy blast you in the face with pepper spray would be fun.



Pepper Spray Idiot - video powered by Metacafe

And finally, is this a woman who looks like she needs to protect herself with a handgun? By the looks of her, I would go no where near her (gun or no gun). Why doesn't she do society a favor and shoot the gun who wanted to get pepper-sprayed in the face? She's angry because they took away her concealed-weapons permit because she brought her gun (though looking at the picture, that's not a gun, that's a cannon) to her 5-year-olds soccer game. She can't figure out why they took away her permit.

Have a great weekend everyone.

Mea Culpa

On July 30th, I wrote "that the Red Sox will not make the playoffs this year." My statement was made based the fact that the Red Sox was in the midst of losing (with some real bad baseball) 5 of 6 games against New York and Los Angeles and were struggling against teams with records above .500.

I'm here today to say that I was wrong, and that I'm glad that I was wrong with the Red Sox clinching a playoff berth with last night's victory over Cleveland. Now the Red Sox appear to be headed for a playoff matchup with Los Angeles (where they'll get swept, but that's for another day - today we celebrate getting the Sox getting into the playoffs).

In addition to there being October baseball in the Red Sox future, last night's win was also good some the standpoint that we got to see a champagne-soaked Heidi Watney in the Red Sox clubhouse. Though, I have to say that it was a little disappointing to not actually see her getting doused with champagne. She started her post-game interviews already soaked. Where's the footage that all of New England wants to see and why was it left out?

Check out a wet Heidi whispering sweet-nothings into the ear of David Ortiz. Seeing this was worth being wrong about the Red Sox playoff chances.

And from the "This Didn't Take Long" category, Boston getting into the playoffs also knocked the Yankees out of the playoffs and gave Hank Steinbrenner a chance to shoot off his mouth about how the setup of the playoff system is unfair - Pussy.

In non-Red Sox news. I can't stop laughing while watching this. Has there ever been a more appropriate song choice for a dancer in the history of dance. "Most wasted asses than Fanny and Freddie."

J-E-T-S fans - DUMB, DUMB, DUMB

As much as it sucked being a Patriots fan on Sunday, we still have fans of the NY Jets to pick on. Being a fan of the Patriots still beats being a fan of the Jets anyday.

The fans of the Jets entered the season with the highest of expectations after the team acquired Brett Favre. The expectations of the Patriots fans are a lot less now with the loss of Tom Brady. But despite Favre continuing to be Brett Favre (throwing two int's on Monday, with one being returned for a touchdown), the Jets fans still hold out hope for a successful season.

But on Monday night, Jets fans showed again that they are not too bright (and why they are in for a huge let down this season). This is what happens when you let them loose in Southern California.

J-E-S-T, JEST, JEST, JEST - What a bunch of clowns (as in jesters). I'm guessing the guy on the right didn't take a look down at his shirt (where Jets is spelled properly) before holding up his signs.

And since this is 'YouTube Tuesday', I'd be remiss if I didn't post one of the most famous NY Jets videos ever created. It shows the intelligence of the organization.

Random Thoughts, Sights, Sounds - A Potpourri of Knowledge

With the weekend soon upon us, here's something for those of you out there looking for something to do between watching College Football, NFL football, baseball and the Ryder Cup.

Though this won't take long, so you could do it while watching all of those things (you might not remember much of the games afterwards). It's pretty impressive.



Six beers in 10 seconds, granted to cups were a little less than full but, that's impressive. I can't drink 6 cups of anything (never mind beer) in 10 seconds.

After watching the next video (the events of which within the video is definitely something you DO NOT want to have happen to you over the weekend), I have one question. "How good do you have to know someone before you confess that you've crapped your pants?" How well does George Brett know those Royals players and coaches to tell him about something he does, "twice a year," or does he just figure, "I'm Hall-of-Famer George Brett, I can tell anybody I want that I shit myself -they have to listen to me. I can go up to anyone and start a conversation with I shit myself last night."



And finally, the Quote of the Week once again comes from my three-year-old son Dylan, who several months back took QotW honors when he said he wanted to, "Sell Mommy on e-Bay,". Dylan dropped this nugget of knowledge on both my wife and I last evening as my wife was nagging me about something, "Daddy, (then long pause as to say you poor, poor man), you need a girlfriend."

My reaction - I totally lost it and couldn't stop laughing for 10 minutes. My wife's reaction was a little different "He says that because that's what you and your brother teach him" - Ahh, no we don't. I've never told him that.

That's my son. I tell him he needs to date lots (I'm talking hundreds) of women and he tells me that I need a girlfriend. He now has a free pass/get out of jail free card for any troubles he may get into/cause for the rest of his life.

Have a great weekend everyone.

Beat Down in the Trop

All of Red Sox Nation could relate to the way this Red Sox fan was feeling at this moment during Wednesday night's 10-3 loss to Tampa Bay. Boston gets their ass handed to them on the field while drunken Red Sox fan gets a beat down from the cops (who are keeping the drunken fan off the field).

Wednesday's loss was like a double loss for the Red Sox. Boston loses 2 out of 3 in the series, drop 4 of 6 against Tampa Bay over the last 10 days, are two games out in the standings (instead of leaving Tampa tied for first), and lose the season series (and the AL East tiebreaker) to the Rays 10-8.

Both Boston and Drunken Boston Fan are 'Screewwed'.

With the number of the day at 4 (Boston's magic number for clinching a playoff spot), I am torn about who I will root for in Tampa's upcoming four-game series (starting Thursday) with Minnesota.

Is it better to hope that Tampa keeps winning, which will get Boston into the playoffs quicker, or is it better to root for Minnesota, and hope that Boston can repeat the success they had with Toronto last weekend this weekend up in Canada so Boston can catch Tampa for the division title?

Reaching the playoffs (and getting some rest for the starters) is great but winning the division (and avoiding Los Angeles) maybe better.

Boston Red Sox Fans, Tina Fey, Justin Timberlake - They're All Here

We got a variety of videos to post in today's Awkward Edition of 'YouTube Tuesday'.

With the Boston Red Sox in Tampa for two more games this week against Tampa Bay, I decided submerge myself more into this important series by watching (and re-posting) my favorite Red Sox fan video as he terrorizes Tampa Fans.

"The Rays want a shot at a title, they have to come through us. Not now Chief, I'm in the zone."



I'm a huge Tina Fey fan, and a big Sarah Palin fan. So now we have Tina Fey portraying Sarah Palin on Saturday Night Live.

That in a word is - Outstanding. As far as the excitement meter goes, it pretty much put me over the edge. Fey and Palin, two great 'tastes' that go together - like chocolate and peanut butter.

Fey is such a dead-on ringer for Palin I wonder if her husband will say to her, "Honey, would you mind dressing up as Vice President Palin tonight when we go to bed. That would be awesome."

Below is part of Fey's performance as Palin. You can see the full video here. Hey, Hillary there's nothing wrong with the "Tina Fey Glasses"



And finally, since we're talking about Saturday Night Live, here is my all-time favorite SNL skit, and no it's not 'I need more Cowbell'. Rather, it's a special present for all the ladies out there.

Random Thoughs, Sights, Sounds - A Potpourri of Knowledge

The Randomness starts off a little music-news heavy this week.

It's finally here. The album that Metallica fans have been waiting for since 'And Justice For All' - Death Magnetic. And it is outstanding. After listening to 75-minute masterpiece the majority of Friday morning, the leaders in the clubhouse for best songs on the album are the 10-minute instrumental epic Suicide & Redemption, Cynaide and My Apocalypse.

As much as I looked forward to hearing the entire Death Magnetic album, there's a new band that has formed and is releasing a new album early in 2009 which will either be really, really great or really bad and awkward. The name of the band is 'Chickenfoot' and it's members are Sammy Hagar, Michael Anthony, Chad Smith (drummer of the Red Hot Chili Peppers) and get this - Joe Satriani. This could be the greatest band ever created or the biggest track wreck/car crash in music this side of the whole Boy Band era.

Not that it's members don't have high expectations of the group, with Hagar already saying that that, "the band could rival Led Zeppelin", and Satriani saying that the "music reminds you of early Led Zeppelin."

Losses in the final two games of the Tampa Bay series, makes this weekend's series against Toronto much more significant than it would have been if the Red Sox had been able to pull out those final two games of the Tampa series.

Toronto is probably not high on the list of the teams that the Red Sox would like to be facing this weekend as they traditionally struggle against the Blue Jays. Add to that the fact that Toronto is one of the hottest teams in baseball right now (winners of 11 of their last 12 games), and the four starters for the Red Sox this weekend are: Tim Wakefield, Paul Byrd, Bartolo Colon and Jon Lester and Boston will have their hands full this weekend.

Hey, Matt Cassel no pressure this weekend in making your first start since the Y2K bug was on everyone's mind while the opposite QB has made 257 consecutive starts and the last time that Favre missed a start was when Cassel was 10 years old.

And finally, the Russians certainly know how to construct a playground for kids, check out the area the kids are coming out of and what it looks like.



Happy weekend everyone.

Always Remember...

...and never forget the events that took place seven years ago and the thousands who lost their lives on this day September 11, 2001.

And always remember and never forget all of the men and women in the Armed Forces who have sacrificed so much since then to ensure that such an attack hasn't happened since and won't happen in the future.

Beaten up New England Sports Fans

If Tom's Brady's season-ending knee injury was a flush kick to the groin of New England sports fans, then Tuesday night's ninth-inning defeat to the Tampa Bay Rays was a punch square to the jaw of Boston Red Sox fans.

It was all set up for the Red Sox to take back first place, with their own two-run rally in the eighth inning and their All-Star closer on the mound looking to get the final three outs. The 5-4 loss might have been the most devastating loss of the season for the Red Sox.

Weeks from now, will we look back at Tampa's two-run ninth inning rally off Jonathan Papelbon as the game that stopped Tampa's early September slide, propelles them to hold onto first place in the AL East and stops the Red Sox run towards first place?

Or was it merely a bump in the road as Boston eventually catches the Rays for first place?

Josh Beckett will have a lot of say in starting to answer those questions as he takes the mound Wednesday night in the series finale. A good start from Beckett and a Sox win tonight goes a long way in shaking the confidence of the Rays. A Tampa win and a 2.5 game lead on Boston with less than 20 games to play, only will strengthening the confidence of the Tampa players.

Brighten Up Your Day

With all of New England feeling similiar to how this BMX rider feels on a dark and dreary rainy day:


http://view.break.com/565275 - Watch more free videos

Talk about taking one on the chin, with the Franchise Tom Brady out for the season, today's 'YouTube (and photo) Tuesday' will be all about things that will make New England fans feel better.

It could be worse, we could be New York Yankee fans right now. Talk about a bunch of front runners for fans. Your team makes the playoffs 13 straight years and now your wearing bags on your heads because your team is in fourth place.

Looks like a lot of fans went to the Stadium dressed as chairs.

The Boston Red Sox have a legion of fans called, 'The Pink Hats' and it describes women who have recently become fans of the franchise and wear pink hats to the games. They are sometimes annoying, but I have yet to see a man wear a pink hat. I can't say that about the male fans of the New York Jets. Nice hat buddy, did you lose a bet? Could your socks be pulled up any higher?

And finally thank god for the female newscasters from Fox News, who aren't shy about showing off their wheels to the audience. Could the skirts be any shorter, especially the one women in the blue long sleeve turtle neck. Nice ass check, honey. It's a wonder that any of the male broadcasters spend any time looking into the camera and not looking over and down to their left and right. When are these ladies going to be appearing on Skinamax?

Random Thoughs, Sights, Sounds - A Potpourri of Knowledge

We'll start off today's randomness with a 'Separated at Birth' (always good for a laugh).

Jason Priestley

Grizzly Adams.

Jason Prestley - WTF dude? You ruled West Beverly High back in the day, where you beat the legions of women admirers off of you with a stick (it's a tough job - I have the same problem). The Peach Pit was your castle where everyone bowed down to your coolness and now you look like your auditioning for the lead role of the Grizzly Adams biopic. Have the aliens come down and got you like they did Katie Holmes? Are you trying to become Natalie Portman's next boyfriend? The world's a better place with Brandon Walsh in it. BRING BACK BRANDON, BRING BACK BRANDON.

One person I don't want to bring back, rather let him go far, far away and never been seen again is the Boston Globe's Dan Shaughnessy.

Shaughnessy is really turning in the Pulitzer Prize winning copy with his last couple of columns, one on Thursday about what life would be like if the Patriots had won Super Bowl 42, and one earlier this summer about his replica of the Green Monster in his backyard. Talk about mailing it in. Why do you still have a job?

Shaughnessy go away - no one cares about your backyard or how the world would have turned out if the Pats won the Super Bowl. You're entering John Tomase status as the most hated writer (if you're not already) on the Boston Sports Scene.

Speaking of writing on the Boston Sports Scene is their anyone left to cover sports for the Boston Herald? Does anyone read the Boston Herald anymore, especially when you can get riveting coverage from the likes of a John Tomase? In the last few weeks they've lost sports writers Rob Bradford, Michael Felger (both to WEEI.com) and Tony Massarotti (Boston Globe). It might be time for the Herald to bring back Joe Fitzgerald, Kevin Mannix, George Kimball, and Tim Horgan all out of retirement.

From yesterday's Washington Redskins fantasy football draft, Chris Cooley's team is screwed this week based on the performance of Jason Campbell (only 133 yards passing and 1 TD) and Shaun Shazham (1 PAT).

He better have drafted some great players at other positions or it's going to be a long season of fantasy football nightmares, the cold sweats and cuddling up in the fetal position next to Christy Cooley (who, based on the video, is totally in love with Peyton Manning). Chris Cooley didn't do Campbell's team any favors having only 1 catch for 7 yards. BTW, that video might be the greatest video ever - I can't stop watching it. I think a bounce back year is coming for Steve 'I'll beat you up' Smif. The next 14 games, there gonna fill his rail'. I love Fred Smoot.

And finally we'll end the week on an upbeat note and once again mention our favorite candidate for Vice President - Sarah Palin, who absolutely killed during her VP speech on Wednesday evening.

Not only is Palin a lawmaker but she's also an actress, as I swear I saw her play the role of teacher/stripper, Miss Davis in Varsity Blues (looks like a match to me). Actually, the acress who was Miss Davis in Varsity Blues, and went to the prom with Billy Bob was Tonie Perensky.

Have a great weekend everyone.

Football Players Aren't Very Bright...

....when it comes to fantasy football, they can grasp a playbook that's hundreds of pages in length and has thousands of plays but they can't grasp how to draft a fantasy football team. But they'll get a pass because their wives/girlfriends are smokin hot.

Last night, I had my fantasy football draft, (and no my team name isn't 'ChicksDigALongSnapper, or ChicksDigMcLovin'sTightEnd) and the draft went fairly well for my team (aka MikeVick'sRapeStand).

Recently several members of the Washington Redskins held their fantasy football draft, led by commish Chris Cooley. And there's a seven-minute video of it (which is posted below).

I'm like a kid in a candy store because there is so much to say about these few minutes of video that it's insane.

Unlike the league that the Redskins players are in, the commish of my league didn't pass out fantasy football magazines to all of us, promise that he'll go in and adjust all of our rosters based on whose playing and won't print out sheets letting us all know how we are doing.

By the way, why am I not surprised that a football player (specifically Jason Campbell) is dating a girl named 'Mercedes'? The best girl named Mercedes in the history of women being named Mercedes was Heather Graham in 'License to Drive'.



Anyways, back to the fantasy football draft. The following conversation occurs at the 27 second mark.

Does everyone have a magazine?

"No".

"You have a magazine in your hand"

Cooley gives the following instructions "When someone's picked cross them off of your sheet so you don't repick them." Clear enough, count how many times a player is taken who has already been selected - 6 Times. Santana Moss hasn't been crossing off names, because he didn't want to write in Cooley's book. Moss went to the University of Miami - he doesn't know the first thing about books.

Safety Reed Doughty needs to wear a thicker helmet when he plays, because he's taken too many shots in the head. Check out how he pronounces LaDanian Tomlinson (1:18 mark). Either that or he was completely intimidated by the hotness of Chris Cooley's wife, Christy (she's to his right).

Who the hell takes Len-Dale White, in what seemed like the first round? No wonder why Cooley called it a 'Gay pick'. FYI, White went in the sixth-round (overall pick #81) of a 14-team league in my draft.

Even the kickers get the hot chicks - check out Shawn Suisham's woman - damn she's hot (white dress with the trees on it). As Cooley points out, she probably calls him 'Shawn Shazam' in the rack.

I need to find away to get Fred Smoot into my fantasy league next year. The entertainment value he would provide at the provide would be worth the cost to get him to New Hampshire. "Jon Kitna was going to be my backup behind Timmy Brady."

And without any further lead-in here's the video of the Washington Redskins' fantasy football draft (and Mercedes and Cooley's wife will win the league).



And for those who want a better look at Christy Cooley, here you go. Enjoy.

Fantasy Football Rules

With my fantasy football draft being held this evening, the theme for today's "You Tube" Post is Fantasy football.

You know you've reached the a certain level of immortality when a Budweiser, 'Real Men of Genius' song has been dedicated to you - in this case fantasy football.



The other big happening this evening is Sarah Palin's speech at the Republican National Convention. t's probably the most anticipated VP speech at a National Convention, in the history of National Conventions and will garner many more male viewers than usual. Why shouldn't I have a third straight post promoting the MILFness of Ms. Palin? What's wrong with that?

Next Principal of Gloucester High School - Sarah Palin???

If this whole Vice President thing doesn't work out for Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin (nice wheels by the way, and I'm not talking about the bike), and she's looking to move to the East Coast, Palin could apply to be the next principal at Gloucester High School. She'll have plenty of first-hand experience dealing with teenage pregnancy. Palin's quickly moving from MILF to GILF status.

It was reported on Monday that Palin's 17-year-old daughter, Bristol, is five months pregnant (and unmarried). Don't be surprised if several of her classmates follow suit announcing that they are also pregnant, revealing a Gloucester High-West scenario. Let the teenage pregnancy pact copycatting begin.

By the way, what's the deal with her kids names - Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper and Trig (whose middle name is Van, so he's Trig Van Palin. It sounds like Van Halen on purpose, because everything in the universe revolves around the mighty VH and Sarah Palin loves Van Halen)? If you're pushing out that many kids, wouldn't you be spending a lot of time looking at kids names? Shouldn't the names be more along the mainstream, rather than sounding like they were names that were picked based on a sport, a city, a tree, a plane (or wrestler) and a math subject.

Based on the names of her brothers and sisters, I'm guessing Bristol Palin will name her son or daughter, Stream, Tree, River or Sky. Maybe she'll name the kid Seven or Soda.