Football Players Aren't Very Bright...

....when it comes to fantasy football, they can grasp a playbook that's hundreds of pages in length and has thousands of plays but they can't grasp how to draft a fantasy football team. But they'll get a pass because their wives/girlfriends are smokin hot.

Last night, I had my fantasy football draft, (and no my team name isn't 'ChicksDigALongSnapper, or ChicksDigMcLovin'sTightEnd) and the draft went fairly well for my team (aka MikeVick'sRapeStand).

Recently several members of the Washington Redskins held their fantasy football draft, led by commish Chris Cooley. And there's a seven-minute video of it (which is posted below).

I'm like a kid in a candy store because there is so much to say about these few minutes of video that it's insane.

Unlike the league that the Redskins players are in, the commish of my league didn't pass out fantasy football magazines to all of us, promise that he'll go in and adjust all of our rosters based on whose playing and won't print out sheets letting us all know how we are doing.

By the way, why am I not surprised that a football player (specifically Jason Campbell) is dating a girl named 'Mercedes'? The best girl named Mercedes in the history of women being named Mercedes was Heather Graham in 'License to Drive'.



Anyways, back to the fantasy football draft. The following conversation occurs at the 27 second mark.

Does everyone have a magazine?

"No".

"You have a magazine in your hand"

Cooley gives the following instructions "When someone's picked cross them off of your sheet so you don't repick them." Clear enough, count how many times a player is taken who has already been selected - 6 Times. Santana Moss hasn't been crossing off names, because he didn't want to write in Cooley's book. Moss went to the University of Miami - he doesn't know the first thing about books.

Safety Reed Doughty needs to wear a thicker helmet when he plays, because he's taken too many shots in the head. Check out how he pronounces LaDanian Tomlinson (1:18 mark). Either that or he was completely intimidated by the hotness of Chris Cooley's wife, Christy (she's to his right).

Who the hell takes Len-Dale White, in what seemed like the first round? No wonder why Cooley called it a 'Gay pick'. FYI, White went in the sixth-round (overall pick #81) of a 14-team league in my draft.

Even the kickers get the hot chicks - check out Shawn Suisham's woman - damn she's hot (white dress with the trees on it). As Cooley points out, she probably calls him 'Shawn Shazam' in the rack.

I need to find away to get Fred Smoot into my fantasy league next year. The entertainment value he would provide at the provide would be worth the cost to get him to New Hampshire. "Jon Kitna was going to be my backup behind Timmy Brady."

And without any further lead-in here's the video of the Washington Redskins' fantasy football draft (and Mercedes and Cooley's wife will win the league).



And for those who want a better look at Christy Cooley, here you go. Enjoy.