A Large Whale Has Beached Himself in Tampa

This past December the New York Yankees gave C.C. Sabathia (pictured above) a seven-year, $161 million dollar contact to be the ace of their pitching staff. By the looks of the shape that Sabathia is in this spring training it appears that Sabathia will be the ace of the Yankees staff by default because he ate all of the other pitchers. The reason there isn't any other Yankees in the picture with C.C. is because he takes up the entire frame.

Damn, that is a large man. Are the Yankees paying Sabathia by the pound? Are there incentive clauses in the contract for Sabathia to gain weight? At $6 a pop for a Big Mac Meal in the New York City area, Sabathia can buy 2,683,333 Big Mac meals over the course of his contract. It looks like Sabathia is a few hundred thousand into the 2.68 million Big Mac's that are available to him. Someone should tell C.C. that he can spread the meals out over the lifetime of the contract, that he doesn't need to try and eat them all in as few sittings as possible.

We now know who will be dressed up as Santa Claus for the next 7 New York Yankee Christmas parties. It only cost NY and average of $24 million a year to get holiday party Santa Claus and he won't even need a fat suit. Think of the money they'll save because of it.

If Fat Boy is going to be the person counted on to lead New York's pitching staff for the next 7 years the Yankees are in trouble because there's no chance in hell that Sabathia won't break during that time. My guess is his knee's will give out under the pressure of all that weight.

The Foot of the Chicken Will Stomp All Over Your Audio Senses

Yes, I'm pimping out Chickenfoot today on the Chicks and McLovin Dig Chickenfoot blog. Below is their latest audio clip off of their website: http://www.chickenfoot.us/

Very raw, heavy sounding song. Very cool.

A-Roid Postmortem

Looking at the above photo of Mariano Rivera, Andy Pettitte, Derek Jeter and Jorge Posada at yesterday's A-Rod press conference (aka the Dog and Pony show for being Young, Naive and Stupid), one thing jumps in my head over and over again:

"Where would you rather be? Anywhere, anywhere but here," from the song Double Agent by Rush.

Seriously, could these four guys look any more disinterested in having to attend A-Rod's mea culpa steroid press conference.

While A-Rod was going a little overboard to show his teammates love and respect (how's an awkward 41-second pause at the beginning of the press conference.), I think I have an idea of what each of the four were responding to that love.

Mariano Rivera: "I wonder how 'Enter Sandman' is going to sound in the new Yankee Stadium with all the different acoustics. They better not fuck with the sound of my entrance music. Damn, look at the crazy logo and face on Pettitte's shirt. That kicks the crap out of the Lacoste shirt (and small alligator) that I'm wearing. I need to get a shirt like that. That would be insane."

Andy Pettitte: "Wow, it was so much easier for me last year, when I was sitting up on that stage, having to admit I took steroids. Sucker."

Derek Jeter: "When is A-Hole going to shut up? Enough already. I have a date with Minka (Kelly) this afternoon. He's cutting into our quality time. I am so gonna get me some."

Jorge Posada: "I wonder if coming to shit like this is covered in my yearly salary ($13 million a year), or can I ask for some extra overtime pay?"

By the way, what is on Pettitte's shirt? That logo is awesome. The face looks like something straight out of the Predator movies. I would buy that shirt, if I knew what it was.

Mandy Moore is Marrying an Ugly-Looking Dude

Here we have the very lovely, multi-talented Mandy Moore. She's perky, attractive, sexy, cute, is easy on the eyes to look at, and totally personifies that 'Girl Next Door Look'. The prototypical 'Someone you want to take home to Mom'. But someone whom if you want to aspire to date, you should definitely bring your 'A' game.

Here we have the still-lovely Mandy with her now fiancee, Ryan Adams. Two three letter words come to mind after looking at this photo (and it's not - hot).

Huh?, and WTF??

Are you serious - why are the hot chicks still going for ugly guys? This continues to baffle me. Do they think it will make them seem hotter?

Does this phenomenon (hot chicks with really ugly guys) happen anywhere in the world outside of actors/musicians? I don't personally know anyone who is playing as far above the rim as Adams is? Talk about way out of your league - it's the difference between playing Major League Baseball and playing Class A minor league baseball.

Why is Ryan Adams going for the Mike Mills (of REM) mid 90's look? I doubt it worked for Mike Mills back then. Adams is rockin out the 'I'm homeless, have the bad hydrogen-peroxide dye job and living out of my car look.' I am not a fan of Ryan Adam's music, but from the several 30-second snippets I just heard on iTunes, it sucks, and you're not missing much.

This is on the level of Natalie Portman and the Wilder beast that she was dating last May. Though, I gotta he honest, I think Mandy's Moore's taste in men is more egregious than Natalie Portman's. I say it'll be 2-3 years before Mandy realizes she's with a really hideous looking man and dates a guy more to her level.

First Birthday

"It was twenty years ago today, Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play," Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band. Oh God, I'm quoting Beatles lyrics, I have got to stop reading Dan Shaughnessy. I'm slowly morphing into him.

It wasn't quite 20 years ago as The Beatles said, but rather one year ago on February 11, 2008 that The Man, The Myth, The Legend of the Awkward Mornings Beat Boring Nights/Chicks Dig McLovin Blog site became reality/realized.

Now, one quick year later, after 150-plus Blog Posts and nearly 3,000 visitors to the site, I'm wishing the site a Happy Birthday.

In reflecting back on the past year of blogging, I am still amazed that people actually come to this site to check things out and read some the postings. Though, I still get a kick out of the strange, roundabout ways that people get to the site from Google.

I know I wrote about this way back in July, but in looking at some of the ways people got here lately, I thought I would share some of the highlights (I swear these are actual Google searches):

"You bet your sweet ass I hate the Red Sox." Okay, gotta be a Yankees fan, probably loves A-Roid. Also probably wrote this one, 'You bet your sweet ass I hate Boston.'

"Preteen Ballbusters", C'mon, girls bust guys balls for what seems like an eternity, is it fair for a 10-year-old girl to be going out and busting balls on a 10-year-old boy whose happiness in life consists of mostly video games, the Internet and the fact they saw some porn on Skinemax while Mom and Dad were out of the house for the night.

"Does Jon Bon Jovi drink alcohol?" This is the question that is keeping all of America and the rest of the World on the edge of their collective seats. I know I won't be able to sleep peacefully through the night until I get an answer.

"Girlfriends, who needs them?" Obviously not this person, since they are Googling about it.

"I want to fuck Maria Stephanos", which goes well with the 'Maria Stephanos Fantasy' search string that was entered to get to this site. Someone is very clear about what their goals and priorities in life are. This is a man (or woman) who knows what they want most in life. Honestly, this may have been me, I can't remember. I may have drunk Googled it. I'm not sure. If it wasn't me, I'm curious what else the search returned for results beside my site.

"Is Christopher Knight taking HGH?", Probably asked by the same person who wants to know if Jon Bon Jovi drinks alcohol. Does Peter Brady really need HGH? Is doing some HGH all it takes for a 40-something has been to hook up with a 20-something model? If so, then sign me up in a few years.

"Mike Felger is a piece of shit." Hey, that's not nice. I like Felger, a poor man's Jim Rome (Felger, that prissy boy, metrosexual, talks to a microphone. Good head of lettuce - thanks, Jim for stopping by). Plus Felger's married to 'The Wood'. You have to give him some points for that.

"MILF convention, sights, sounds, under the table," yes, all of it. There needs to be a MILF convention, preferably held under a table, with lots of sights and sounds.

"Oakland press box food." Is it in high demand? Aren't there any good restaurants in Oakland? Are people in the Bay Area making fake press passes so they can have a taste of the good life by sampling the gourmet, five-star spread that is available 91 times a year in the Oakland Press Box?

"Retirement is boring, let's fuck please," Seriously, what did people do before the creation of the internet and the birth of Google? This is the kind of stuff people want to know about?

My Hatred of 'Shank' Shaughnessy Continues to Grow

This morning I was on Boston.com and for some reason unbeknownst to me I decided to click on Shank's latest column and read what he was today trying to pass off as profound sports writing/knowledge. Afterwards, I felt like the principal in Billy Madison during the Academic Decathlon.

"what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul. "

Though in the interest of full disclosure, I did find the Rickey Henderson story the end of the column amusing.

But let's look through the other tidbits of knowledge that Dan drops on us. Here are some of the highlights.

"Not sure when the episode aired, but count "Jeopardy!'s" Alex Trebek among the legions of Belichick bashers. Under the category of "Sore Losers" was this answer: "One second from defeat in the 2008 Super Bowl, this losing head coach threw a hissy fit & stalked off the field." The contestant correctly asked, "Who is Bill Belichick?"

Dan, that item was only on multiple websites a couple of weeks ago. Way to stay current and in touch.

"A lot of college basketball fans probably have no idea that Duke's Gerald Henderson has a dad who was a pretty good ballplayer back in the day."

Wow, this puts watching Duke basketball games in a whole new context the next time I tune in to see the Blue Devils. Watch me dazzle my friends with that nugget of knowledge. I'm ready for March Madness now.

"Renee Zellweger grew up in Katy, Texas. Wonder if she ever met Roger Clemens."

I was wondering the same thing. I won't rest until I get that answer. Though I'd be more curious to know if Clemens did meet Renee Zellweger did he treat her like Mindy McCready? Or was Zellweger too old for Roger at the time? I grew up in Billerica, Ma. I wonder if Shank will put me in one of his columns, wondering if I ever met Tom Glavine, because we grew up in the same town.

"Bad news on the doorstep: Yesterday was the 50th anniversary of the day the music died, when Buddy Holly's plane crashed in an Iowa cornfield."

Again, way to stay current Dan. No wonder you're viewed as a fossil.

Nice of Shaughnessy to throw a bunch of crap together and try and pass it off as a column worth anyone's time to read it. Talk about mailing it in. Should he feel quility for cashing in a paycheck based on tidbits like, "Speaking of the Rocket, Brian McNamee goes back on the attack Monday on "The Howard Stern Show."

I find it amusing that the title the editors over at the Boston Globe gave Shank's piece was "Pieces of his mind," when you know they were dying to call it "Pieces of crap from Shank's ass."

This is why Deadspin, or Barstool Sports or SI.com's Hot Clicks or ESPN's Bill Simmons along with dozens of other sites on the web will continue to be the go to sites/people on the Web for people looking for entertaining, informative sports news.

Time to give it up Shank. Please stop. I can't take it anymore.

Back with a Bang

"Oh My!!," Thank you Dick Enberg.

"So hot, want to touch the hiney," Thank you Adam Sandler.

"Oh, yeah, Oh yeah, I would do everything to her. I don't care what she looks like. I would wreck that chick," Thank you Brian from Family Guy.

Check out our favorite saucy, MILFy, mavericky-politician Sarah Palin rockin out the signature black Maria Stephanos' 'Do-Me' boots, leaving little doubt as to why she has 5 kids.

It's good to see our Sarah back in the spotlight after a three-month hiatus (where blog posts on this site have decreased dramatically in Sarah's time away - coincidence, maybe). She certainly has come back on the scene with a bang, as if to say, 'I'm back, remember me.'

Palin's possible campaing slogans in 2012:

'A vote for Palin is a vote for My Luscious Booty.'

'Palin: Putting the sexy back into politics.'

'Distracting World Leaders One at a Time.'

PETA is bringing The Funk, The Noise, and The Sex

With Super Bowl 43 now in the books and today in full post-mortem analysis (ad nauseum) mode - the commericials sucked, Bruce Springsteen and The E Street band were okay and the game was good, but not the best of all time (and isn't close) - let's focus our attention on what would have hands down taken the moniker for 'Best Super Bowl Commerical', only if NBC had the stones to approve and play it.

From that cutting-edge organization known as PETA we have a PSA regarding the benefits of not eating meat and engaging in a diet consisting mostly of vegetables.



Pick a scene, any scene at any time and NBC found a reason to reject the ad. Let's see, the reason's were:

licking pumpkin

touching her breast with her hand while eating broccoli

pumpkin from behind between legs

rubbing pelvic region with pumpkin

screwing herself with broccoli (fuzzy)

asparagus on her lap appearing as if it is ready to be inserted into vagina

licking eggplant

rubbing asparagus on breast

That's all? Was it really so bad? All deemed inappropriate by NBC. Was any of the content in the commerical any more offensive than anything NBC would show in 'Lipstick Jungle'?

I have to say that I'm more freaked out by the lady on 'Medium' talking to dead people in her sleep than seeing women rubbing assorted vegetables all over themselves.

With the success of the 'Got Milk' print ads, I wonder if the people at NBC would have approved of this ad that promotes the benefits of Milk and ran in it in place of the Vegetable ad.