Human Eclipse

I didn't think it was possible:

That the new Alice in Chains album would be as great as it is;

That the Boston Red Sox would be swept out of this year's playoffs by the team formerly known as 'Our Playoff Bitches', the Anaheim, LA Angeles. Yes, I'm still bitter.

That Tom Brady would only have 6 touchdown passes after 5 games. I'm pretty sure that during the 2007 season he probably threw 6 touchdown passes in one half of one game while the Patriots were accused of running up the score against their opponents;

and finally;

That there is someone in New York City who is actually bigger than New York Yankees pitcher C.C. Sabathia. Holy Jesus. Look at the above picture of New York Jets coach Rex Ryan. WTF is under that tarp he is wearing as a jacket? There's either several basketballs stuffed under there or he's the male OctoMom.

Is Ryan this fat so his offensive and defensive lineman feel better about themselves and don't go around thinking they are a bunch of fat slobs? How is he able to stay upright and not just tip over like a Weeble (weebles wobble but they won't fall down)?

Allegedly Ryan is 345 pounds, yeah okay. That's like me saying that I only like music a little bit. And how long do you think it's been since he's been able to see his manhood? Seriously, that thing hasn't seen the light of day in ages, dust off the cobwebs and let some light shine in there.

I bet Ryan has had a few (hundred) of these in his time.