That's Gonna Leave a Mark

It's Super-Atomic Wedgie Time, the likes of which haven't been seen since Middle School.

I didn't know that the NFL went from tackle football to Flag Football.

What are the chances that Brian Westbrook broke out of Althea Barnes tackle? And with a name like Althea you know that he's going to grab you by your jock and bring you down.

So did Westbrook's jock snap back and hit him in his back like an elastic (for a double ouchie) or did it fall down limp around his legs?

Did Barnes finish the job and rip the entire jock out of Westbrook's pants and take it home as a memento/souvenir/trophy? If so, did Barnes have the stones (I'd say balls but that's too obvious of a remark here) to ask Westbrook sign it?

Surprise, Surprise

"Walked out this morning, don't believe what I saw..." Message in a Bottle, The Police.

Looking at the NHL Standings this morning was as surprising as if I walked out and saw 'A Hundred Billion Bottles Washed Up on the Shore'.

The Boston Bruins are in first place in the Northeast Division and have the second highest amount of points in the Eastern Conference. When did this happen?

Did Cam Neely, Adam Oates and Ray Bourque suddenly walk through that door while we've been beoaming the injury losses of Tom Brady, Rodney Harrison, Lawrence Maroney and half of the New England Patriots team?

Is this the year that the Boston Bruins are for real and make a strong playoff run in the Eastern Conference? That's still TBD, but for at least the first 19 games the Bruins have gotten off to a strong start.

Land of Confusion

Today we return with our latest installment of 'YouTube Tuesday'. For this first video, you'll need to watch it multiple times to try and understand what this person (who is speaking in English) is saying.

This is how I talk after 12 beers. Halfway though he breaks out his best Lightning McQueen imitation. Also did he say "Oh, Broad" at the beginning in talking to Jillian Barbie?



If that didn't leave your head spinning, this will. And why is this guy wearing his wife's Packers shirt? Because there's no way that's his shirt.

Patriots Overlooked Again - What's New

Here's the Enemy (overhyped as usual by the TV Networks and the NFL):



And here's what the enemy has to say about tonight's Patriots-Jets matchup in a battle for first place, from the New York Post (and something to keep in mind while watching tonight):

"Deep down in their souls, the Jets believe they're a better team now than the Patriots. Deep down, they know they're better.

One Jets offensive player, who spoke under the condition of anonymity because he didn't want to provide bulletin board fodder for the Patriots, talked about being "sick to our stomachs" about the Jets' 19-10 loss in Week 2 at the Meadowlands. He felt the Patriots were vulnerable - particularly on defense. Not to mention it was the first game with Matt Cassel at quarterback, after Tom Brady was injured in Week 1 vs. the Chiefs.

The player spoke matter-of-factly about how "slow" and "old" a number of the New England defenders are and how he believes the Jets should be able to put up "a lot of points" on them tonight."

The only things sadder than the NFL hitching their promos for tonight's game on Brett Favre is the Boston Bruins. Even when the Bruins are playing well (winners of seven of their last eight games and second in the Eastern Conference in points), I can find something to blast them about.

In typical Bruins fashion they are playing their biggest game of the season so far (against Montreal) on a night when all the sports fans in New England will be changing channels at 8:15 to watch Pats-Jets. Any chance the Bruins could play an entire hockey game in 70 minutes? Probably not.

Computer Virus - no big deal?

Now that I have my virus-infested computer back, (it's okay though because my IT department assures me I can use my computer without doing anymore damage - which makes a lot of sense) let's commence with the Blogging.

BTW, my computer virus program deleted 19 viruses between 11:30 a.m. and 2 p.m. today. And my IT department knows what they're doing - OKAY.

After having all that time off, I figured I'd ease back into the saddle by re-introducing an old friend.

The one and only McLovin is back and starring as Augie Farks in Role Models which opened over last weekend. And no, Chicks Definetly Won't be Loving Augie Farks.

Scott Boras Makes Me Laugh

If Announcer-Extraordinaire Brent Musberger were here he'd say:

"You are looking live at the campus of Northeastern University, where today's blog post matchup of Jason Varitek/Scott Boras vs. the Boston Red Sox is taking place."

My laptop is in the sick ward for the second time in two days, infected with some Spyware virus, which hasn't made for good blogging this week, or for completing Grad School homework. I actually had to write out by hand this weeks' homework assignment - talk about old school.

But getting to school a little early this evening allows me to write about one of the most ridiculous things I've read today (and shockingly it's not about Barack Obama).

From today's Boston Globe:

"(Scott) Boras is eyeing Yankee catcher Jorge Posada's four-year, $52.4 million deal as a benchmark for (Jason) Varitek."

I'm guessing that Boras didn't watch many Red Sox games this season, or he would have seen what all of Red Sox nation saw, an automatic out at the plate (let's preface that statement with the standard 'he was good with the pitching staff and good in the clubhouse' statement).

Let's see, in a season where Varitek's biggest accomplishment was tagging NESN's Heidi Watney, Tek batted .220 with 13 HR and 43 RBI. But give Tek credit for getting his numbers to change in the postseason. He batted .118 in the playoffs (4 hits in 34 at-bats). Tek wishes he could have batted .118 in the ALCS where he had 1 hit in 20 at-bats.

With a performance as significant such as this no wonder why Boras is looking for (key word here) No Less than a $3.1 million raise for next season. Who says America is in a recession when you have the balls to ask for a $3 million raise with such decreased performance.

As a point of reference, Posada got his four-year, $52.4 million deal after a season in which he hit .338 (highest average of his career by.57 points) with 20HR and 90RBI.

If I was Theo Epstein and Boras was sitting across from me and told me the negotiations for Tek start at 4 years-$52.4 million, the first thing I would do would be to uncontrollably laugh out loud for 5 minutes. After gathering myself, my response would be, "Are you f*cking serious?"
Then I would offer two years between $20-$25 million with Boras then proceeding to laugh at my offer.

I would then get up from the table and say, "Thanks for the memories Tek, good luck with your new team next year and good luck trying to find some sucker to give you a 4-year, $52.4 million deal".

This should be an interesting negotiation. My guess is Tek walks and the Red Sox trade a young pitcher (Clay Buchholz) for a catcher.